Question:

“I have been reading through On Becoming Preschool Wise and have a question about teaching my son to fold his hands to help him gain self-control. We’ve been working on this for several days and he just doesn’t seem to be getting it. Do you have any ideas?”

Answer:

“As explained in Toddler Wise and Preschool Wise “It is important to teach this technique to your child when things are calm.” With each of my four, I found that games were a great way to introduce new skills like this. This particular skill is challenging because “Be still” is such an abstract concept. Just how still is still? My guess is your preschooler has a totally different idea of what “still” means! :)

So try this. Set two chairs in front of a large mirror and have your preschooler sit in one with you in the other. Then tell her you are going to play the “self control” game. This works so well, because when you demonstrate what “fold your hands and get some self control” looks like, your child can look at herself in the mirror and compare herself to what you look like in the mirror. You can make this a game, by having a “silly break” and seeing how wiggly you both can get, and then as soon as you say “Let’s get some self control” the two of you see who can get still the fastest and hold it for at least a minute.

When first introducing this skill, try playing games like this a couple of times a day for the first several days, and then work in a refresher every few days or so, until you see that she understands and can use the skill in other situations.

Finally, don’t forget another important concept from Preschool Wise, “Parents should always try to help a child gain self-control before he crosses the bridge of trouble, not afterward.” There will come a day when you can use this technique to help an out-of-control child gain self-control, but that is a skill that comes with lots of practice and maturity. Until then, use this as often as you can. Before you get to the check out stand, tell your children to fold their hands and get self-control. Before you walk into Great-aunt Mary’s house, talk to your kids about keeping their hands folded around her heirlooms. Before you approach the dessert table at the church pot-luck, tell your children to fold their hands and ask permission before selecting a dessert.”