Ok, so as promised last time, here is what the ever-gracious Anne Marie had to say when we moved from talking about melancholy first born boys to second born girls (who in our family also happens to be our eldest girl!).

I didn’t see it! I had often quietly thanked the Lord that He had blessed us with a boy first in our family because I had seen so many friends have girls first and to me, they always seemed a little bossy, carried the weight of responsibility on their shoulders and had the tendency to be wise in their own eyes. Sounds harsh I know but as much as I was sure I didn’t want to end up with that in my relationship with my own daughter, it had indeed snuck up on me! Now please don’t misunderstand me - our eldest daughter is an absolute delight. Our ever-so-eager-to-please, happy, helpful beautiful daughter is a huge blessing in our family and indeed has become my reliable little helper. However, as my conversation with Anne Marie developed, she ever so gently pointed out to me that by allowing our precious daughter to help as much as she did, we had inadvertently allowed her to carry the weight of responsibility on her shoulders. Practically, that meant that she would often ’step in’ and mother the younger children in a helpful way but at times when David and I were there. This was usually not appreciated by the younger children causing added conflict. It would also sometimes present as a ‘Wise in her own eyes’ moment! What Anne Marie pointed out to me was the need to ‘relieve her of her duties’! She explained to me how to gently thank our girl for her help but that as long as Dave and I were around, she could be off duty and enjoy being a child! I remember myself being an eager-to-please, helpful and very responsible daughter! However I also remember being concerned about things that I really needn’t have worried about as a child. The way Anne Marie explained it to me is like giving our daughter the gift of her childhood back! As we have tried to implement this advice, we have seen our daughter appreciated for her initiative and help but also released from unnecessary responsibility so she can enjoy being 9! This isn’t one of those ‘quick fix’ tips. It is something we need to continually implement to help our family relate in a more healthy way.

Yet again Anne Marie’s wisdom has made a huge difference in our family life and, I believe, saved us from a lot more retraining (as I’m sure you’ll agree most of the Ezzo’s advice does!). I thought next time I’d share about the ‘Walk and Talk’ principle - yet another opportunity to train rather than retrain!

Until then …. Blessings, Charissa