Let’s face it: Your child is changing. She doesn’t watch Barney anymore. She doesn’t want your help quite as much. Her emotions are exaggerated. And she’s suddenly realized that not everyone is her friend just because they’re in the same class. She’s begun dealing with deeply felt issues like freedom, friendship, peer approval-even fashion.

Wait! Maybe you’re not ready for this. You’re still quite comfortable setting out Disney plates and chicken nuggets. Now she wants tossed salad with low-cal dressing? Your middle-years child, that eight- to twelve-year-old, is changing.

The middle years are a period of great transition-a developmental phase when a child moves from where she has been to where she needs to go. During this phase of growth, parents are still the child’s first choice as a guide, and he or she definitely needs your leadership. Take advantage of that. Below are eight critical middle-years transitions. Help your children him through this critical adjustment periods and the next leg of the journey just might be crash-free. We will take up the first transition in this post and build each day from there.

1. Transitioning away from Childhood and Childhood Structures

On the first day of kindergarten, you followed her bus all the way to school just to make sure that she remembered to get off, that she was smiling when she did, and that she didn’t evaporate in the few miles from here to there. You laughed; you cried; you chatted with the other half-dozen teary adults who all did the same silly thing. Guess what? It’s time to back off. From now on, wave good-bye from the porch. Finding relational equilibrium with your maturing child is one of the more difficult tasks of parenthood. But by the end of this growth period, a healthy restructuring of relationships needs to have occurred for both you and your child.

This isn’t your four-year-old anymore. This is a young person on the verge of adolescence. You need to begin treating her like a responsible individual. You may be surprised to find that that’s what she has actually become. During the middle years, children begin the long process of metamorphosis toward healthy independence. They move away from childhood structures, dependencies, and interests. There is a shift from a world centered largely on relationships with Mom, Dad, and siblings to a world in which relationships with peers, friends, and real heroes begin to draw their focus.

This particular transition is demonstrated by the way a child attempts to distance himself from early childhood structures. While certain terminology didn’t bother your child at age five or six, at eight or nine that same boy or girl will object to conversations that describe him or her in childish ways, such as “He’s my little guy” or “Yes, she’s my princess.”

Young Ryan couldn’t wait for his week at camp the summer he was nine. Upon arrival, he began unpacking the tidy bundle his mom had prepared. To his horror, he discovered the pillowcase. There was Superman striking a bold pose, much to his campmates’ delight. Ryan’s week at camp turned into one very long bad dream. The endless ribbing left him wishing he could disappear into a phone booth. At eight or nine, your child has already done an enormous amount of learning. Contrast him with the nearly helpless toddler of a few years ago, who needed the structure of Mom and Dad’s direct companionship, love, and supervision. A guiding parent or other supervising adult orchestrated all wake time, naptime, mealtime, and playtime. Your child’s friends were limited to the kids in the neighborhood or his playgroups. He lived in a world predominately structured and made secure by you.

Consider the child who at five held your hand everywhere you went and at six advanced to crossing the street by herself. Now she is notably less dependent on you and the sheltering structures you created for her protection (and your comfort). A driving sense of her own self-sufficiency is replacing your preadolescent’s longstanding preoccupation with personal caretakers.

Early in the middle-years transition, children begin to reject all sorts of minor childhood-related associations that they previously found comforting. The little girl who once was consoled after an injury by sitting on Mom’s lap may start going to her siblings for comfort instead. The young boy who once would not go anywhere without his stuffed animal now buries it in his closet toy box. This is just the beginning. There is more coming in the next post in a couple of days.