This is the final deposit on the Middle Years transition. In this post we will conclude by taking a look at the last three transitions: The growing influence of peer pressure on your middle years child, the process of moral maturation and a child’s inclination toward personal responsibility.

6. Transitioning to the Growing Influence of Peers

The middle years are marked by a greater sensitivity to the differences between self and peers. Any slight deviation in growth or secondary sex characteristics from what is common in the group will cause the middle-years child to worry.

Such an occurrence is natural and quite unavoidable. The young girl who begins to develop prematurely will measure herself against other girls. The boy who starts to show hairs on his chin or to grow disproportionately in height will become self-conscious about his differences. This awareness leads to a growing interest in the opinions of others in a child’s peer group. What is the group wearing, listening to, doing? Where are they going? And what does all this mean to me? The effects of this transition will be felt for quite some time.

7. Transitioning to a Sense of Morality

Morality is more than a checklist of good choices one makes in the interest of preserving self. Moral maturity means considering others-respecting the feelings, needs, hurts, and hearts of those with whom the child interacts.

We believe that clearly defined morality is the only foundation upon which healthy relationships and strong families are built. Only moral maturity enables us to get along rightly with others in our families and communities.

Because the middle years are typically far less traumatic than the “terrible twos” or the tumultuous teens, parents tend not to have a sense of moral urgency during this time. Yet if there is ever a time of ripening, when a child seeks moral knowledge, it is during these precious middle years. This is the time when you as a parent can encourage and shape the development of moral consciousness in your child.

During the middle years, children not only understand the wider scope of moral truth; they can begin to use it to regulate their lives. Soon they will be able to conform their outward behavior voluntarily, apart from the fear of reproof that so often accompanies a younger child’s moral decision-making process. The middle years are when your child will strike deep moral roots-for good or ill-with or without your guidance.

Younger children live off Mom and Dad’s values. But during the middle years, children begin to take personal ownership of their values. Are you ready to help your child make the transition?

8. Transitioning from Being Reminded to Being Responsible

The middle years are a time when your child should be transitioning from simply obeying the rules, on the one hand, to taking personal responsibility for tasks, chores, and behavior, on the other. When only obedience is at stake, your child will comply when reminded. When responsibility comes into play, your child does the right thing without being reminded.

As soon as a middle-years child understands what you’re asking of her, she should be expected to take ownership of that behavior. This may be a change for her and you. If you don’t make it a priority to teach her self-generated initiative now, you’ll still be asking if she’s done all her homework and picked up her room when she’s in college. In the pages that follow, we’ll show you how to teach your middle-years children to take the initiative.
You can read Parts 1, 2, and 3 if you missed them.