Hi again. As promised last time, the next principle I thought I’d share with you from Anne Marie’s wisdom is the ‘Walk & Talk’ principle.

This is something we have found particularly helpful with our boys as they have reached the middle years.

It is a well known fact that men and boys will be more likely to talk and ‘open up’ if they are working in a triangle. i.e. They are working on a project or activity with another guy and so don’t have to look directly at the other person but can talk to them while focusing on something else (who said men can’t multi task?!). This is where Dad builds a go-cart with his son and they end up talking about deeper issues because the go-cart provides a bit of a distraction and the pressure isn’t on the conversation – it happens naturally.

Using that concept, Anne Marie reminded me of the ‘Walk & Talk’ principle when I shared about my frustration with knowing how to talk with my 10 year old son. I found that I was too often slipping into ‘lecture’ mode. If he did something that we both knew he shouldn’t, I would start lecturing him out of my frustration and that was not being productive in changing his behavior AT ALL!

So instead Anne Marie reminded me that in the Middle Years course they talk about taking your child for a walk and talking through the issues as you go. This has a two fold benefit. Firstly, it creates an triangular situation where you are not sitting and talking directly to them (which can be quite threatening, especially when you are still working on gaining self control yourself!) and secondly, it is a great way to burn off some of that excess energy and even anger that may be building up.

We have now used this principle on a regular basis and even try to do it frequently when our sons haven’t done anything wrong. We will often ‘Walk & Talk’ to encourage them if we see they have really been working on developing a particular character quality. That way, it is not a threatening thing but just a natural part of how we communicate.

On a practical note, it doesn’t have to be a long walk. Often we just go to the end of the driveway and back and that’s enough for things to calm down and be discussed.

Try it, hopefully it will help in your family too!

Until next time,

Charissa

Previous posts in this series include: Anne Marie’s Wisdom and More of Anne Marie’s Wisdom.