Question:
We are expecting our first baby soon and are so excited to put into practice what we’ve been learning in our Preparation for Parenting class. My dilemma has to do with the pacifier – after a couple of baby showers, we seem to be swimming in them! My friends tell me they are absolutely essential, but I’m a little worried we may be creating a real problem if we use them.
Answer:
Pacifier or no pacifier is the question, so what is a parent to do? Let’s take birth to 8 months. As we all know, babies really do have a “need” to suck, it is just that some babies have a greater need than others and for most that sucking need lasts through the first 6 months. Depending on whether baby is breastfed or bottle fed can also make a difference in the amount of sucking needed. With a bottle, baby usually receives his nourishment faster; therefore, may have a greater need for additional sucking. In either case, you may sense that baby wants additional sucking by looking for his fist to suck or, if on the bottle, by wanting to continue sucking even when all the formula is gone. With breastfeeding, if he still wants to stay on the breast after you have given both sides and it’s already been about 30 minutes, it could be a good indicator that a pacifier will help satisfy that additional need to suck. If you are seeing that this is true for your baby, then by all means, use the pacifier as a tool to meet that need. But instead of meeting the need at nap and bed time, offer it just after the feeding for an extra 5 to 10 minutes. Or even during those 5 to 10 minutes or so of cuddling and snuggling time just before nap time.
Usually the biggest concern about the use of the pacifier is it becoming a ‘sleep prop’. To help minimize that situation, it is best to decide ahead of time what the game plan will be. Also remember, using the pacifier is neither a right nor wrong issue; often it comes down to preference and what each parent is able to handle regarding the issue of baby’s cry. One other fact to consider is the reality that a ‘habit’ may develop of needing the pacifier to fall asleep. As parents, you’ll want to give thought to how long you will allow pacifier use to continue when you will remove the pacifier.
There are a couple of ‘game plan’ options to choose from.
You may begin putting baby down for her nap without the pacifier, giving her 10 to 15 minutes to settle herself, falling asleep without the pacifier. If she continues to fuss after 10 minutes, you may decide to allow her to suck on the pacifier for a few minutes, remove it and give her another 10 minutes. If she still has not fallen asleep, then you may want to allow her the pacifier for the remainder of her nap.
Or you may decide that baby will go down with the pacifier from the start of the nap or night time sleep. The next decision will come when baby ‘looses’ the pacifier after falling asleep. How many times will Dad or Mom go in and replace the ‘lost’ pacifier?
Another option, and one that is often tempting for parents, is to put baby down for nap or night sleep with the pacifier, thinking, if baby wakes early we will allow baby to fuss for as long as it takes for him to get back to sleep. Unfortunately, the problem with this thought, is that once baby has had a 20 to 40 minute “power nap” he is likely to be recharged enough to fuss for hours! He’ll have a better chance of learning to fall asleep without the pacifier if after having had a good feeding and an appropriate amount of wake time, he is put down without it.
Either way, wisdom would dictate that if the pacifier is to be used, it remain in the crib when baby wakes up and is not ‘attached’ to baby to be used as a ‘plug’. Context and wisdom would also say that if you are taking a long trip via air or land, which will include nap times, if baby needs pacifier to fall asleep, then pacifier travels as well.
Since the ‘need’ for additional suckling diminishes around 6 months and if the pacifier has been limited to crib for naps and bedtime, many parents decide to ‘wean’ baby from the use of the pacifier at this time as well. That can be accomplished in several ways:
· Using a needle, prick a hole in the nipple of the pacifier removing the ‘air’ so that there really is nothing to suck on.
· Put baby down for nap without the pacifier, having pre-determined how long you will allow baby to fuss before settling in for sleep, and see how long it takes for baby to settle himself before you will intervene.
· Or decide to go ‘cold turkey’ – meaning no pacifier for naps and nights, but that can play havoc on a parent’s emotion, depending on how long and loud baby may cry. As a general guideline, three days and it is usually over.
The point is, it really doesn’t matter. There is no “right” or perfect way. As long as you have a goal of helping him drop the habit and you are slowly (or quickly) working toward that goal.
8 months and older:
If by 8 months the pacifier is being used, you will find your baby has matured to a place where he is able to find the pacifier and put it back in his mouth when it falls out during naps and night time. At this point, the pacifier really isn’t as much of a sleep prop as it was before….unless it falls out of his crib, or worse, it gets lost or left at home! That can really be a nightmare! So while you may choose to wait a bit longer to eliminate the use of the pacifier completely, it remains a good idea to limit its use to nap time and bedtime.
Once you decide it’s time for the pacifier to go, you have the same options as listed above. Realistically, expect from 1 to 3 days of crying and poor sleep with the ‘cold turkey’ approach. Because habits are hard to break and the older the baby/toddler is, the longer it can take; you may choose to continue to allow the pacifier for naps while you work on removing it at night time when babies sleep deeper. Again, if you choose to work on naps and night time at the same time, many parents find that poking a small hole in the end of the pacifier helps to make them less appealing and speeds the weaning process along. If the hole doesn’t seem to bother your little one, try snipping off a bit every couple of days until your little one gives up.
