“Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.” Ephesians 4:29 The Message

For me, one of the most valuable lessons from Gary and Anne Mare is the principle of “Speaking Life”. For those who aren’t familiar with this concept, here’s a brief overview.

As often as possible, when bringing correction to your child elevate the virtue that is lacking rather than emphasizing the vice that is present. 

When our hearts are consistently verbally guided to God’s goodness and love, we begin to be filled with an appetite for good behaviors. On the contrary when we are solely instructed against wrong behaviors it becomes discouraging and redefines goodness. This process of “speaking life” may be challenging at first if you are not accustomed to it however I have become convinced of the value not only in parenting but also in life.

“Restraining waywardness must be accompanied by instruction in righteousness and by encouragement in virtuous living” Growing Kids God’s Way page 22

It requires me to think of the virtue in situations and then teach to it. I have to admit this is difficult work for me.

Here’s some practical thoughts
Instead of “That was dumb” say “That was unwise”

Instead of “Don’t hit, that’s mean” say “That’s not loving, use gentle hands”

Instead of “Don’t be rude, answer grandma” use “Look at Grandma’s eyes and pay attention”

I have seen in myself and many in current culture a tendency to use language out of habit that is not full of life.

One example that I have frequently experienced and maybe you’ve heard as well even among Christ followers is the saying “I’m gonna beat them” uttered in moments of frustration. Of course these parents never mean that they are actually going to abuse their child, however our children’s impressionable ears are always listening.

Jesus teaches us in Matthew 12:35 “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks”. I am praying for my heart to be overflowing with God’s love and grace and thus my instructional words to reflect my heart changed by God.