What Parents Should Know

In the early phase of toddler parenting, the concept of “training a toddler” is more dominant than “educating a toddler”. To train is to establish “patterns of behavior”, to educate is to establish “understanding of behavior”. We train toddlers how to act, behave and respond long before they are capable of being educated in the “why” behind their behavior. The process of actually educating a child begins around three years of age. What is the difference between training and educating?

Prior to age three, children do not have the reasoning ability to understand facts relevant to their present circumstances, nor do they care about your factual explana­tions. But your toddler does care about the determination of your resolve. Sometimes, less talk with a toddler is better because trying to offer adult logic and reason to your two-year-old is neither logical nor reasonable. These are little people lacking wisdom and life experiences, not adults. There is a better way.

Think through this example. Your tod­dler whines and you try to enlighten her as to why whining is unacceptable. You tell her that “people don’t like to hear whiny children”, or “if you keep whining, this is what is going to happen to you”. There is a better way.

Use Your Words

During the “training to educating” tran­sition, parents should try to elevate what is right and acceptable rather than what is wrong and unacceptable. When your toddler is asking for something but is not speaking clearly, or is whining or grunting and pointing, direct him or her with this phrase: “Use your words.” “Anna, use your words.” “Brody, use your words.”

“Use your words.” It doesn’t get much easier than that. We have a little twenty-month old friend Sasha, who, when want­ing to be picked up would raise her hands and make some strange, incoherent sounds, even though she actually knew the words ‘up’ and ‘please’. After hearing this con­cept, her parents began to encourage Sasha with the phrase, “Use your words”. Well, by mid-afternoon the next day, according to Mom, Sasha was using her words to com­municate her desires. “Up please” replaced her grunts and finger pointing in the air.

Constantly pointing a child toward what she should do facilitates the educa­tional process faster and better than con­stantly telling a toddler what not to do. This concept will become increasingly more important as we begin future chats relating to the development of your child’s ‘moral warehouse’ and the formation of the conscience, which begins to take shape around age three.