Normally I enjoy writing on this blog to share my small parenting successes while practicing the amazing tools taught to us in Growing Kids God’s Way. I also sincerely hope my writing is encouraging to other parents too. However I thought I’d share from a difficult day, for the same purpose, to encourage you.

It’s Monday morning after a busy weekend. I have told you before I am not a morning person. The whining commences immediately, and I began to get frustrated quickly. All the old standby discipline techniques are not even phasing her. Every single part of our routine is greeted with an “I don’t want to”, then crying, next tantrum, discipline, “I’m sorry Mommy”, Do it all again. It was one of those days when I was wishing for the pre-talking time.

It was soon after a forced and seemingly unsuccessful devotion time that God reminded me about something the Ezzo’s had said once. Some days your child will seem to have woken up “with a death wish.” Today she had, and she was prepared to take me down with her.

I was thinking “Why is today so tough?” I thought through the lack of routine and stability the weekend had presented. Family and friends had kept us going and there was probably a little too much fun. Hmm…what she really needs is exactly what she says she doesn’t want.

SO what did I do? I pushed through the routine and eliminated choices. There was whining, crying, and I didn’t see much of a happy heart all day. She continued to stick it to me until the bitter end. But at the end I cuddled her, had her “Look me in the eyes” and told her how much I love her.

Tuesday morning arrives and I do a minute of deep breathing before going in to greet her, and there she is my smiling happy baby has returned-well mostly, she is two ya know!

The older my darling gets the more God teaches me about Himself. I can think of many days when I’ve said “God, I don’t want to”, I’ve cried, whined, and even a thrown a grown up tantrum or two. At the end of every day though when I stop and pray He wraps His arms around me and says I love you. And if you will continue to push through tomorrow will be even better.

The principles found in Preparation for Parenting and On Becoming Babywise have been educating parents for two decades on the importance of nighttime sleep and how to obtain it with infants. A TIME.com article highlights researchers from Harvard and other institutions who have recently published articles in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine addressing the importance of nighttime sleep in children.

The researchers quoted in this article recommend allowing a child to “cry it out” and suggest that parents avoid co-sleeping from the start. The over all focus of this article speaks more to the longer term affects of nighttime sleep. The Time article highlights some problems in older children associated with inadequate nighttime sleep like night terrors, anxiety, depression, and obesity. In response to some of these problems Dr. Elsie Taveras from Harvard says, “There’s room for prevention even in the first month of life.”

The overall theme of the research referenced in the TIME article should be very familiar for those who have read Preparation for Parenting and/or Babywise. In my first reading of Preparation for Parenting I breezed right past the Healthy Sleep Patterns section of chapter three. It was easy as a young parent to get caught up in the immediate benefits of healthy nighttime sleep experienced though PDF (Parent-directed Feeding). Right under my nose was research referenced by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo in Preparation for Parenting linking poor nighttime sleep with emotional, behavioral and learning problems. It is comforting to know that there are longer term benefits to the sleep skills that we have taught our children at a young age.

Near the conclusion of the TIME article you’ll find the following quote:

“The most important message is that there’s a lot we can do to prevent problems from starting — in sleep,” says Taveras. “Parents and pediatricians should keep in mind that children have to develop the capacity to regulate their own sleep early in life and self-soothe themselves during the night.”

This quote should offer some encouragement if you are still “working on” those healthy sleep habits with your little one.

Question:

My husband and I are about to take on the task of potty training with our 2 ½ year old son, but we’re both a bit concerned that bedwetting may be a problem since both of us had issues with bedwetting as children. My Toddlerwise book has a chapter on this subject, but is there more you can give us before we get started?
Answer:

Yes! There is more and frankly I think it should be an essential part of every young parent’s library. This little book is an amazing gem. It’s called Potty Training 1-2-3, by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo. Even if your children are beyond the potty training stage, you’ll want to have this one handy to lone to friends.

But back to your question about bedwetting. I’ll just pull this first part right out of Potty Training 1-2-3, and then include some additional comments below:

Bedwetting, or enuresis, refers to children wetting their beds at an age when most children are dry at night. It’s important to remember the last part of that sentence. Children grow at different rates, which mean they achieve nighttime dryness at different ages. Night dryness doesn’t always follow closely on the heels of day dryness. Even if that’s the case for months, it doesn’t mean your child is struggling with the medical condition of bedwetting. Some experts suggest that as many as 50 percent of children under three years of age will battle night time bedwetting to some extent.
In the medical world, bedwetting in not considered a problem until a child is about 4 or 5 years old. However, if your toddler is having reoccurring nightly accidents and you are concerned about it, consult your pediatrician. Your doctor can discover or rule out any health problems that might be part of the cause. Meanwhile, here are some practical things you can do to try to remedy this problem:
Encourage your child to wait as long as possible when it’s time to urinate. This technique can help stretch the bladder so it can hold more urine.
As your child is urinating, have her stop and start a few times. This helps strengthen the sphincter muscles that hold in the urine.
Encourage your child to take responsibility for her wet bedding, but never shame her because of it.
Consider rewarding your child for waking up dry, but do not punish her for nighttime accidents.
Consider buying a bedwetting alarm that will awaken your child as soon as she begins to wet. You can find manufacturers and descriptions of various models on the internet.
As you move through this process, encourage and support your child while holding her accountable.

One of my four fit this description to a tee. We were doing all the “at home” suggestions above, and each year that went by, we (and he) were hopeful he’d “outgrow” it, but he was still wetting nearly every night by his 9th birthday. Money was a bit tight and I assumed the alarms were beyond our budget….until I actually looked for one! We bought the SleepDry alarm from Starchild Labs. I purchased it through a healthcare supply store on-line for about $60.00. There are others out there for similar prices, and many that are much higher, but this one worked perfectly. In his case, he was staying dry every night, within 2 weeks! No matter which brand you purchase, be sure to follow the instructions exactly. Success depends as much on parental involvement and pre-activity training, as it does on the alarm itself.

My daughter Isabelle is a little over 2 yrs old now and an amazing joy to us. Just recently she has been giving us trouble going down for naps. We have our routine of book reading and rocking before nap. But recently she has been singing and playing in her crib for extended periods (up to an hour!) before lying down to sleep. This frustrated me as I began to try and evaluate what I was doing wrong. I found out that when my Mother-in-law keeps her she doesn’t do this. I started to think…was I spending too much time with her prior to her nap? Was I putting her down too late?

I started being much stricter on getting her to nap in a timely manner. I cut short our sweet pre-nap cuddle routine. I talked with her about going straight to sleep. But to no avail…the playing continued, and I felt trapped every afternoon…praying and waiting on the nap to begin and uncertain if she would even sleep on some days. Of course then being frustrated with a grumpy toddler and soon to be grumpy husband as he arrived home to the tired Mommy and child.

It was clear something had to be done so at our GEMS^® meeting I asked the most experienced and wise Mom I know if she had any thoughts on the matter. She simply said ” Have you gone in and established boundaries on what she is not allowed to do in her crib at nap?” Feeling a little silly I gave an excuse of why I felt like I hadn’t gone in and went home.

Upon discussion with my husband and further thinking I realized I was subconsciously paralyzed with fear of my toddler during naptime. Here’s why… many months ago whenever we went into her room if she woke early the nap would be over as she would not go back down. So we had informally established a “no entering” rule until we were ready for the nap to be over. I thought I was in control, but actually I had allowed too many freedoms and her crib funnel was too big.

For the past week we have set up boundaries of no singing or playing in her crib before napping. Then we have gone in when we see she is enjoying these freedoms again and verbally instructed her. She has responded well as we have pulled the funnel in again.

Here’s what I am learning…this parenting thing is ever changing as she grows and what was important before (not going in to her room until we say nap is over) is now an area she can respond to with verbal instruction. Is there an area in your parenting your child has outgrown?

That’s the beauty of being in this like minded community, I am almost embarrassed to say it but I really don’t think I would have thought of this on my own. This is my first try at parenting though…maybe I’ll remember next time!

Why is the grass green? Why is the sky blue? Why do birds fly? Why do flowers smell pretty? Has your two year old ever bombarded you with questions that their little minds are just burning to find answers to? I used to give long-winded scientific explanations to the endless questions of the two year olds living in my house. My 4^th child is now two years old and I find myself responding to her with, “Because that’s the way God made it.” Or, “God knew you’d like to smell that flower so He made it smell pretty for you.” Thankfully, for now, that is a perfectly logical answer to her. Someday I’ll get scientific with her, but for now, it’s enough for her to know that there is an almighty God in control of her little world and He has infinite wisdom.

I used to ask, ‘Why?’ a lot. Then I stopped. I’m not exactly sure why I stopped. I guess I never thought to ask ‘why?’ If someone had asked me why I signed my 5 year old daughter up for the latest popular sporting activity many years ago, I’m not sure what my answer would have been. Well, because all of her friends were doing it, I suppose. It seemed like a good idea. Never mind the fact that practice and her games were during our family dinner hour which meant that 2-3 days a week we didn’t eat together because I was grabbing hamburgers at the drive-thru for the kids. If someone had asked me why I left my warm bed at 4 a.m. one chilly February morning to stand in line outside the most popular Christian preschool in town to make sure my 4 year old had a coveted space next year, I’m not sure what my answer would have been. It’s just what you do. All of my Christian friends were doing it.

I had a lot of good company that frosty morning as I cradled a warm mug of coffee. Never mind the fact that my daughter would be away from her younger siblings for 12 hours a week where I would lose valuable opportunities to teach her how to properly socialize with other children. Never mind the fact that the next day would probably be spent undoing the inappropriate behavior and habits she would pick up at that half day of preschool. Never mind the fact that I would be packing up all of her younger siblings twice a day, disrupting their routine, to shuffle her around. It’s just what everyone was doing.

We did get that coveted preschool spot. And, thankfully, 2 weeks before school was to start, I started asking why again. Why am I doing this? Is this God’s best for our family? Or am I doing this because that’s just what our culture says is the best? Does this line up with our family goals? There are so many really good opportunities available to us and our children these days. But where do you draw the line, and when do you say ‘No’?

Philippians 1:9-11 is a verse that I repeat often and turn into a prayer: “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-to the glory and praise of God.” I want to be filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ. I want my children to be filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ. I can’t do that unless I am discerning what is best. But I need to look beyond our culture to do that. I need to be a thinking parent. And I need to ask ‘Now, why would I want to do that?’ Yes, we opted out of the preschool, because in answering the ‘why‘ my husband and I decided this was not the ‘best’ for our family.

This article is cross-posted at The Young Family blog.