Why is the grass green? Why is the sky blue? Why do birds fly? Why do flowers smell pretty? Has your two year old ever bombarded you with questions that their little minds are just burning to find answers to? I used to give long-winded scientific explanations to the endless questions of the two year olds living in my house. My 4^th child is now two years old and I find myself responding to her with, “Because that’s the way God made it.” Or, “God knew you’d like to smell that flower so He made it smell pretty for you.” Thankfully, for now, that is a perfectly logical answer to her. Someday I’ll get scientific with her, but for now, it’s enough for her to know that there is an almighty God in control of her little world and He has infinite wisdom.

I used to ask, ‘Why?’ a lot. Then I stopped. I’m not exactly sure why I stopped. I guess I never thought to ask ‘why?’ If someone had asked me why I signed my 5 year old daughter up for the latest popular sporting activity many years ago, I’m not sure what my answer would have been. Well, because all of her friends were doing it, I suppose. It seemed like a good idea. Never mind the fact that practice and her games were during our family dinner hour which meant that 2-3 days a week we didn’t eat together because I was grabbing hamburgers at the drive-thru for the kids. If someone had asked me why I left my warm bed at 4 a.m. one chilly February morning to stand in line outside the most popular Christian preschool in town to make sure my 4 year old had a coveted space next year, I’m not sure what my answer would have been. It’s just what you do. All of my Christian friends were doing it.

I had a lot of good company that frosty morning as I cradled a warm mug of coffee. Never mind the fact that my daughter would be away from her younger siblings for 12 hours a week where I would lose valuable opportunities to teach her how to properly socialize with other children. Never mind the fact that the next day would probably be spent undoing the inappropriate behavior and habits she would pick up at that half day of preschool. Never mind the fact that I would be packing up all of her younger siblings twice a day, disrupting their routine, to shuffle her around. It’s just what everyone was doing.

We did get that coveted preschool spot. And, thankfully, 2 weeks before school was to start, I started asking why again. Why am I doing this? Is this God’s best for our family? Or am I doing this because that’s just what our culture says is the best? Does this line up with our family goals? There are so many really good opportunities available to us and our children these days. But where do you draw the line, and when do you say ‘No’?

Philippians 1:9-11 is a verse that I repeat often and turn into a prayer: “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-to the glory and praise of God.” I want to be filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ. I want my children to be filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ. I can’t do that unless I am discerning what is best. But I need to look beyond our culture to do that. I need to be a thinking parent. And I need to ask ‘Now, why would I want to do that?’ Yes, we opted out of the preschool, because in answering the ‘why‘ my husband and I decided this was not the ‘best’ for our family.

This article is cross-posted at The Young Family blog.

Problem:

“Thanks to Babywise, my baby has been doing very well with his naps, until this week. He’s recently learned to roll over on his own but now he’s rolling over during his naps and at night, gets stuck and won’t go back to sleep unless I go and roll him back over. This is happening at nearly all his naps and several times throughout the night. Help!”

Answer:

“This problem will come up whether your baby started out as a tummy sleeper or a back sleeper. There will come a day when he learns to roll over and will get stuck and not be very happy about it.

Basically, you can tackle these two ways. One is the “wait it out” approach. Work with the baby during playtime, helping him learn to roll over both ways, then when he gets stuck during naps or at night, get up as often as needed to play “roll over patrol” putting him aright, until he finally figures out either how to get use to the new position, or he figures out how to roll back the other way. The down side of this approach is that it can take a couple of months before this skill takes place!

The alternative is to combine working with the ‘roll over skill’ during waketime and also teach baby how to be comfortable sleeping in any position he happens to find himself. Some may ask ‘why not start baby out on his preferred side and then when he wakes up and rolls over, let him work out on his own getting back to sleep?’ The potential problem with this approach is that once baby has had even a little bit of a “power nap” he’s often good to go with some fussing, just about as long as it takes for you to finally rescue him! So while this may work if done at nighttime, it is usually not as successful during naps. In the long run, it seems to be better to start baby out on his unfavored side at the beginnings of naps and nighttime.

It really comes down to personal choice and weighing the pros and cons: either intervening while working during wake time or allowing baby to adapt at his pace for however long it may go. Should the choice be putting your baby down for every nap and nighttime on the unfavored side, the process usually takes anywhere from 2 to 4 days. If the choice is to vary the nap process, sometimes placing him on his favored side so he can get a good nap, other times on his unfavored side, it may take a bit longer.”

In view of the fact that a child’s mind is driven by curiosity, a need to investigate and a tendency to try and rule the world with a smile or a scream, it becomes essential to consider the influence of the home as the primary learning environment, and Mom and Dad as the first teachers. The self-evident truth that early family life lays the foundation for later adjustments exists above all other assumptions. While there are a variety of influences on children that parents cannot change (nature, heredity, temperament, and predispositions), there are parenting influences that can and will impact children for years. We call these influences ‘parent-types’.

The Parent-Type Summary Booklet, formerly titled, The Bible & Common Sense Parenting, provides a summary of fifteen parenting-types that produce predictable behavior patterns in children. Unfortunately, fourteen are negative, only one, the God-centered parenting prescription is positive, life giving and complete. Some ‘parent-types’ are the combination of two negatives that function as one. The Threatening/Repeating Parent and the Silent/Delayed Parent types are examples.

It is reasonable to conclude that when negative parenting patterns are diminished or eliminated from the home, the corresponding side affects in children also decrease proportionately. This might sound like a simple case of stimulus-response conditioning, but it’s much more than that. We realize the futility of assuming that positive parental behavior can redeem a child’s unredeemed heart but positive change can influence a child during the formative years to receive the things of God as he matures. Positive parental behavior can create a type of spiritual inertia that can help propel a child toward understanding the qualities and attributes of God. It is through this experience that a child moves toward a greater awareness of his need for salvation.

Correspondingly, negative parental behavior too often produces artificial barriers hindering a child’s knowledge and desire to know God. Instead of exemplifying His character, negative parenting-types diminish it by redefining it in practice. While eliminating negative parenting habits is not the sole substitute for embracing the positive, it is a big step in the right direction. One question we all must wrestle with is whether we are characterized by any particular ‘type’ that needs attention and change. That we leave with you. May God bless and multiply your efforts to lead your little ones to the knowledge of Him.

Gary and Anne Marie