I always recommend to keep a log while you are problem solving, and even while you are simply starting something new. It is much easier to analyze the situation when you have the data to look at and compare.

When I say keep a log, I mean a detailed log. Details. I like to make a spreadsheet and print it out, but the same can be done just by writing it out on a piece of paper. Do what works for you.

So what kind of details are we talking about? Let’s say you are working on sleep training.

• I would start by writing down the time baby woke up and ate.
• I would keep track of playtime activities and total waketime length (including time it took to eat).
• I would track the sleep cues you went by. Was it yawning? Was it eye rubbing? Fussiness? This can help you see which cue to go by.
• I would then write down the time baby was put down for a nap. Perhaps include what the naptime routine was if it varies.
• Next, I would describe the crying before the nap. How long was it? How intense was it? Describe it honestly.
• You will then start over when baby next wakes up, and this time, write down how long the previous nap was.

After several days of this, you can look at a sheet of paper and analyze what is going on. Are there times of day baby seems to need to be put down sooner? Are there certain waketime activities that are over-stimulating the baby? What is working? What isn’t working?

This idea can be applied to any change or difficulty going on in baby’s life. Does your breastfed baby get really gassy sometimes? Keeping track of what you eat and when he has gas problems can help you pin down the problem foods for baby. Tracking the introduction of solids on paper can help you more easily watch for food allergies. It is good to keep a log for those early months when you are establishing routine and milk supply. How many wet and dirty diapers are normal (this is a question my pediatrician always asks me)? How many feedings a day? Some people can remember these things in their heads, others benefit from keeping track of things somewhere, somehow.

Don’t underestimate the benefit of the log while you are problem solving. I look at the situation in the light of a study. I need to collect my data and analyze it. I need to be able to see all of the details so I don’t miss something important. I need to think it through. As your baby gets older and you become more accustomed to problem solving (something you will do throughout your life as a parent-every age group has their things they do that require some thought and action by parents), you might not need to keep such details. There are sites online that help you track for a fee if you want/need the help.

One note, while I recommend this, I also caution to not let yourself get obsessed over it. Some people can drive themselves crazy with the log. Be as detailed as you can, but know yourself and your own limitations. We all want to be happy and calm! Happy problem solving!

My Blog: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/

Question:

I’ve just re-read your advice in Babywise concerning feeding periods for the first seven to ten days. So I’ve turned the clock to the wall and I’m trying very hard to get those FULL feedings in, but no matter what I do, I can’t get my one week old baby to nurse for more than a couple of minutes at a time before she is fast asleep again. Is there anything else I can try?

Answer:

This is a very common problem with babies during the first 2 to 3 weeks, and longer with those babies who have had touches of Jaundice.

First, keep in mind that feedings don’t need to be on the clock. During these early weeks feedings will average about 2 ½ hours apart, but it is fine if some are shorter and others are a bit longer. With that in mind, the goal will be to try to catch your baby when he is passing through his light sleep phase. Trying to wake a newborn during a deep sleep phase tends to make both baby and Mom very frustrated.

Remember, each sleep cycles tend to last approximately 45 minutes. So during the day, have your baby sleep in a location where you can easily check on him. I often rolled the bassinet out into the living room during these early weeks, or put baby down in a playpen for daytime naps. Then after baby has been asleep about 1 ½ hours, begin glancing over every so often. When you see him begin to go through a sleep phase where his eye lids may flutter, his mouth move like he is nursing, and/or his arms and legs move around a bit, that’s the time you want to get him up from his nap. This may occur anytime between about 1 ½ to 2 ½ hours into his nap, so be patient.

As you begin feeding him and as long as he continues to nurse well, it is okay if he looks like he is dozing as he feeds. However, if he actually falls asleep, to the point that he stops sucking, then it is necessary to use the other methods of helping him to stay awake. (damp washcloth, undressing him, etc) If those measures do not wake him, place a thin baby blanket (nothing to thick and comfy) on the floor and lay him flat on his back. Remain close by, so you’ll be there when he wakes again. He may take a little 10 to 15 minute cat-nap, but he’ll soon be WIDE awake. At that point, continue with the feeding. You may even find it necessary to repeat this technique a second time during a feeding and yes, feedings may take a while for now, but this super sleepy stage really doesn’t last all that long. It won’t be long before he’s much more alert both during his feedings and for some fun wake time with mom afterwards.

Let me introduce myself, My name is Connie. My husband and I are high school sweethearts, married at 20 yrs old, and then we waited 10 years to have a child. So when we finally believed that we had matured enough to have a baby I decided I better educate myself.

Even before we conceived I devoured every bit of information available to mothers. As a new mother I really did not even know where to begin, but of course God knew what was best for us and put us in a Prep for Parenting class. When we finished the class I felt fully educated and confident on how to handle my newborn- (It’s ok to laugh here!)

Then Isabelle was born, and that confidence morphed quickly into sleep deprivation craziness. Just two nights after we brought her home I actually called the hospital nursery crying myself to ask if something was wrong because Isabelle had cried all night long. The sweet nurse laughed at me and told me “that’s what babies do!”

Here is why things were seemingly crumbling all around me. One, Isabelle couldn’t latch. Second, all I am going to say is I am apparently not designed well for nursing ( I am sure its some sort of punishment for past evil-as my mother always says what goes around comes around!). The first ten days of my life with Izzy I desperately tried to breastfeed a very angry thrashing screaming newborn every two hours. Each time I ended up tube feeding her in the most awkward position imagineable (I think that feeding her while standing on my head would have been the only thing that could have been more difficult) as advised by the hospital staff. At my wit’s end I was asking my lactation consultant what to do when she said “What are you going to do if your baby doesn’t learn to nurse?”

Let me mention here, God has blessed me with just a touch of obsessiveness with a side of perfectionism. To me the only option logical to me in my very sleep deprived new mom state was to pump my milk. Feel free to be amused here, Shawn and I have laughed many nights about this whole time period we call the “four weeks of parenting that no one ever told us about”. Shawn actually danced around when I told him to go buy bottles! I have to say my loving husband was a huge support for me in this endeavor.

Here’s why I tell you all of the above, once I decided to put into practice all I learned in our prep class -when Isabelle was about 6 weeks old and we had numerous sleep props established!- she actually slept through the night at 12 weeks old. Now 2 years later she is still as spirited as ever ( but we are happy to report she is characterized as a very good sleeper and eater of healthy foods) and we still look to the Ezzo’s teachings for wisdom on how to handle it all.

Be encouraged no matter what struggles you may face with your infant, be consistent with a routine and the concepts taught in the Growing Families curriculum. You will see amazing results in the long term!

Stay tuned to hear about what my small group learned from Growing Kids God’s Way-we just finished the course this past Sunday! God Bless your amazing families!

Questions:

My friend gave me a copy of Babywise before our son was born and it has been so helpful and working well for our family. But I do have a question about “blanket time.” My friend was asking me if we had started this with our 4 month old, but I’m not sure how this is really different from playpen time and how I’d even begin to teach this to him.

Answers:

• Blanket time provides an opportunity to teach a child to remain in a designated place without the ‘visible’ boundaries the sides of a playpen offer. As you would with ‘playpen time,’ start by placing a few toys on the blanket for play. When first introducing blanket time, it may only be for 3-5 minutes. You can either be sitting near your child or you may even be on the blanket with the child, playing. When he starts to make his way off the blanket, simply bring him back saying something like: “Johnny, you need to stay on the blanket and play with your toys.” Make sure to use a timer. When the timer goes off, make a big deal, “blanket time is over” and move on to the next activity. In the early training phase it usually works best to do short increments of blanket time, 3-4 times a day. Gradually increase the time as your child stays on the blanket, eventually working up to 30 minutes. Realistically, this could take several months.
• When to start? Ideally, before the child starts to crawl is a great time to start and after he is familiar to the playpen. [For some who are lacking space for a playpen, they actually begin with blanket time out of necessity.] The first 5 min. of ‘playpen’ time can be used for Blanket time training. Set the timer for 5 min, when it goes off, blanket time is over, and the remainder of the time can be playpen time. Even if a child is crawling, blanket time can be introduced. It will take a bit more work on Mommy’s part - but with consistency the child will learn.
• How long? Start with five minutes. Be consistent. When your child is able to stay on the blanket until the timer goes off, begin to add an extra minute or two at a time until your reach your goal.
• The beauty of a blanket is that it easily moves all over the house with you. I have personally found it helpful during these early boundary training years to have a small basket of toys in rooms that you spend a good deal of time in. That way, when you have your pre-toddler or toddler using ‘blanket time’ you will also have different toys to entertain him. Plus at these young ages it will help prevent your child from wandering, getting into things, and having to discipline more than necessary. Better yet, the blanket is portable for trips away from home! 30 minutes in a doctor’s office waiting room are much less stressful when your child can play happily on a clean blanket from home with toys from home! And visits to Great Aunt Mary’s house will be much more peaceful as well.
• For a 2 year old who is doing blanket time, Mom will still be making most of the choices regarding which toys will be appropriate. Be wise in those choices. An example for a little boy: give him some blocks and cars together to provide an opportunity for his imagination, allowing him to build bridges and roads to drive his cars over. Don’t worry about having to change out toys frequently - certainly the same toys for a week will help a child learn to play with what has been given him.

Hope this is helpful. Be patient remembering it is ‘a process’.

Related Post: Playpen/Room time Re-training

Question:

We are expecting our first baby soon and are so excited to put into practice what we’ve been learning in our Preparation for Parenting class. My dilemma has to do with the pacifier - after a couple of baby showers, we seem to be swimming in them! My friends tell me they are absolutely essential, but I’m a little worried we may be creating a real problem if we use them.

Answer:

Pacifier or no pacifier is the question, so what is a parent to do? Let’s take birth to 8 months. As we all know, babies really do have a “need” to suck, it is just that some babies have a greater need than others and for most that sucking need lasts through the first 6 months. Depending on whether baby is breastfed or bottle fed can also make a difference in the amount of sucking needed. With a bottle, baby usually receives his nourishment faster; therefore, may have a greater need for additional sucking. In either case, you may sense that baby wants additional sucking by looking for his fist to suck or, if on the bottle, by wanting to continue sucking even when all the formula is gone. With breastfeeding, if he still wants to stay on the breast after you have given both sides and it’s already been about 30 minutes, it could be a good indicator that a pacifier will help satisfy that additional need to suck. If you are seeing that this is true for your baby, then by all means, use the pacifier as a tool to meet that need. But instead of meeting the need at nap and bed time, offer it just after the feeding for an extra 5 to 10 minutes. Or even during those 5 to 10 minutes or so of cuddling and snuggling time just before nap time.

Usually the biggest concern about the use of the pacifier is it becoming a ‘sleep prop’. To help minimize that situation, it is best to decide ahead of time what the game plan will be. Also remember, using the pacifier is neither a right nor wrong issue; often it comes down to preference and what each parent is able to handle regarding the issue of baby’s cry. One other fact to consider is the reality that a ‘habit’ may develop of needing the pacifier to fall asleep. As parents, you’ll want to give thought to how long you will allow pacifier use to continue when you will remove the pacifier.

There are a couple of ‘game plan’ options to choose from.

You may begin putting baby down for her nap without the pacifier, giving her 10 to 15 minutes to settle herself, falling asleep without the pacifier. If she continues to fuss after 10 minutes, you may decide to allow her to suck on the pacifier for a few minutes, remove it and give her another 10 minutes. If she still has not fallen asleep, then you may want to allow her the pacifier for the remainder of her nap.

Or you may decide that baby will go down with the pacifier from the start of the nap or night time sleep. The next decision will come when baby ‘looses’ the pacifier after falling asleep. How many times will Dad or Mom go in and replace the ‘lost’ pacifier?

Another option, and one that is often tempting for parents, is to put baby down for nap or night sleep with the pacifier, thinking, if baby wakes early we will allow baby to fuss for as long as it takes for him to get back to sleep. Unfortunately, the problem with this thought, is that once baby has had a 20 to 40 minute “power nap” he is likely to be recharged enough to fuss for hours! He’ll have a better chance of learning to fall asleep without the pacifier if after having had a good feeding and an appropriate amount of wake time, he is put down without it.

Either way, wisdom would dictate that if the pacifier is to be used, it remain in the crib when baby wakes up and is not ‘attached’ to baby to be used as a ‘plug’. Context and wisdom would also say that if you are taking a long trip via air or land, which will include nap times, if baby needs pacifier to fall asleep, then pacifier travels as well.

Since the ‘need’ for additional suckling diminishes around 6 months and if the pacifier has been limited to crib for naps and bedtime, many parents decide to ‘wean’ baby from the use of the pacifier at this time as well. That can be accomplished in several ways:

· Using a needle, prick a hole in the nipple of the pacifier removing the ‘air’ so that there really is nothing to suck on.

· Put baby down for nap without the pacifier, having pre-determined how long you will allow baby to fuss before settling in for sleep, and see how long it takes for baby to settle himself before you will intervene.

· Or decide to go ‘cold turkey’ - meaning no pacifier for naps and nights, but that can play havoc on a parent’s emotion, depending on how long and loud baby may cry. As a general guideline, three days and it is usually over.

The point is, it really doesn’t matter. There is no “right” or perfect way. As long as you have a goal of helping him drop the habit and you are slowly (or quickly) working toward that goal.

8 months and older:

If by 8 months the pacifier is being used, you will find your baby has matured to a place where he is able to find the pacifier and put it back in his mouth when it falls out during naps and night time. At this point, the pacifier really isn’t as much of a sleep prop as it was before….unless it falls out of his crib, or worse, it gets lost or left at home! That can really be a nightmare! So while you may choose to wait a bit longer to eliminate the use of the pacifier completely, it remains a good idea to limit its use to nap time and bedtime.

Once you decide it’s time for the pacifier to go, you have the same options as listed above. Realistically, expect from 1 to 3 days of crying and poor sleep with the ‘cold turkey’ approach. Because habits are hard to break and the older the baby/toddler is, the longer it can take; you may choose to continue to allow the pacifier for naps while you work on removing it at night time when babies sleep deeper. Again, if you choose to work on naps and night time at the same time, many parents find that poking a small hole in the end of the pacifier helps to make them less appealing and speeds the weaning process along. If the hole doesn’t seem to bother your little one, try snipping off a bit every couple of days until your little one gives up.