The following was forwarded to me from a mom who emailed in her testimony about her family’s experiences with On Becoming Babywise and On Becoming Preteenwise.

From a Mom of two girls with nine years age difference

“I just wanted to take a moment to let you know how your books have helped my husband and I in raising our second child and trying to re-train our first child.

My husband and I had our first daughter when we were fairly young and decided to wait a while before deciding to have more children. When my first daughter was nine years old, we decided to try for another and soon were pregnant with another girl. How exciting…how scary!! It had been so long since we had been the parents of a baby that I started to wonder if we would remember what to do. While God designed the human body to know what to do, your book definitely made me feel so supported and was a great resource.

We began using the parent directed feeding schedule and were amazed at how our daughter would sleep 8-9 hours a night at seven weeks of age. Things were so much easier knowing how to plan your day around her meals and naps. In a household with both parents working and an older sibling, routine is very important.

I was so impressed by On Becoming Babywise that I decided to purchase On Becoming Preteenwise for my ten year old daughter. I read the first few pages to my husband and we laughed at how accurate they described our preteen. Even though we thought we were good parents, we took the quiz and learned that all of us could stand to work harder at it. My biggest fear is sending my children out into the world one day without having equipped them with the knowledge and sense of responsibility to succeed. On Becoming Preteenwise helped develop a relationship with mutual respect with our oldest daughter and we have become closer as a family. It also helped me understand how to wear different “hats” with each child, because of the age difference.

When I go to the grocery store and my kids (toddler included, now 14 months old)are behaving better than every kid in there, I smile a little inside and am so proud.

We couldn’t have done it without the direction and support your books offered us. Well, we could have, but I don’t thinks the results would have been as promising. I tell everyone I can about your books and will always do so when someone compliments on how great my children are.”

Question:

“My husband and I don’t practice “couch time” per se, but we DO try to make a point of “catching up on each other’s day,” while we get dinner ready. Isn’t that good enough?”

Answer:

“There is such a good reason why “couch time” is encouraged throughout the On Becoming books, from Babywise to Teenwise. There is just no substitute for mom and dad taking a few minutes each day to stop everything and totally focus on each other. Think of it like this. There are plenty of times during the day when you and your children will “work” together folding laundry, picking up after play time, working in the yard, etc. but do those times in any way compare to those special moments when you take your preschooler on to your lap to read her a book, or when you give your 7 year old your undivided attention while he tells you what happened at school that day? I can promise you that your child knows the difference! ? In the same way, your children will be able to see the difference between you and your husband “laboring side by side to maintain their world,” and the respect and loyalty communicated through “couch time.”"

Hello again. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Charissa and I am married to David and together we have 4 beautiful children ranging in age from 5 up to 10 years old. As promised last time, I thought I would share with you some of the amazing wisdom Anne Marie Ezzo shared with us while we were with them in South Carolina recently.

Our family had the privilege of spending 5 weeks this summer with the Ezzos in their home in Mount Pleasant. Now, I say ‘summer’ but as we come from Australia, it was actually our winter! The fact that we got to miss the coldest, wettest part of our winter was blessing enough but having the privilege of Anne Marie’s wisdom ‘on tap’ for 5 weeks was an even bigger blessing!

So, on the morning before we left, Anne Marie & I were having our morning swim and I ‘took the plunge’ and asked her one of the scariest questions I could think of! I asked her ‘Now that you have spent 5 weeks with our family, living in the same house!, what advice can you give me re: parenting each of our children?’ I guess the question really was ‘How am I doing as a Mum?’ Now, for any of you who know Anne Marie, you will know that she is a lady not only full of incredible wisdom but also incredible grace.

So, how did she respond? She smiled then she ever so gently went through each of our children and how we could ‘fine tune’ our parenting with each of them. She also gave us some tips for our family as a whole. I thought I’d spend the next few blogs sharing what they were. Here’s the first one – Don’t parent to your child’s emotions.

What does that mean? Well, we have several ‘melancholy’ children in our family and one in particular who manages to manipulate using his emotions. Actually, if the truth be known, he manages to manipulate me, Mum, by his emotions. What does that look like? Even at 10, when faced with a difficult or unpleasant task, he will often cry, sulk or tell me how he can never do anything right and I keep getting drawn into it! I am a Mum after all. Aren’t Mums supposed to be compassionate and loving and aren’t we the ones who are there to hug them when the rest of the world tells them to ‘get on with it’? Yes, we are but we are also not doing them, or our family, any favours if we allow them to manipulate us in this way. After all, as an adult we don’t get our own way if we sulk! Don’t we as Mums also have the responsibility of training our children for real life?

So, how have I changed since hearing this advice? I’m still compassionate and am still there to hug and care for my boy as I was before but I am also more aware of how he behaves and of how that affects our family. David and I want to prepare our children for adulthood and we can begin that now by teaching them appropriate ways of communicating and sharing how they feel so they don’t grow up ‘molly coddled’! (Is that a word other people use around the world?) It’s hard to step back and be objective as a parent but it’s a healthy thing to do from time to time so we can see the patterns that are forming and then decide if we need to make any changes.

Next time I’ll share with you what Anne Marie had to say about our eldest daughter!

Until then

Blessings, Charissa