The following is another wonderful response received from long time friend and ministry partner, Scott H. My request was sent to parents of ‘older’ boys, asking for input regarding the necessary preparation to help a ‘young man’ keep his way pure? [Ps. 119:9] Given the sensitivity of the topic, I’ve done some minor editing and thank Scott for permission to share what follows.

Scott wrote: I guess I fit the description you are looking for, having three teenage sons, 19, 17 and 15. My 15 year old is just starting into puberty, with temptations still largely revolving around mischief and pranks. He is just now getting to the point where girls are no longer repulsive.

The older two are doing very well in handling the temptations that come with ‘becoming young men’. My 17 year old likes girls, but has no interest in “dating” or having a “girl” friend. He is friends with all the girls at church (our youth group is only about 20 teens), and has his focus on school and his hobbies. Our eldest has had two episodes where he was concentrating on a particular young lady with great interest but backing off after finding they were not quite what they where presenting themselves to be. He wrestled with the last one for several weeks feeling he had been deceived. These were tough lessons, but he did finally acknowledge that dad’s advice was pretty good and think he will be more careful to follow it in the future.

To answer the question regarding the ability to “find a way of escape”, that I attribute to their walk with the Lord. Every other thing we have done only augments what we have tried to instill into them about being holy above all else. We have a lot of theological discussion in our home about handling all aspects of life. Teaching them to respond correctly to temptations while they were young and instilling into them a sense of responsibility as done in the GKGW series well prepared them for the new temptations they would face, as they became young men. We read a lot of books out loud while the boys were growing up and those always sparked good discussion about living a godly life in practical terms.

My wife and I have followed the advice given in the Moral Innocence series from an early age, added to that concepts of courtship instead of dating (as in Josh Harris’ book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye) and similar materials. (We have taught them to be a FIG (Friend In God) instead of a date). These all emphasize teaching the boys to treat girls with great respect from an early age and to become their protectors. They have taken to heart the Biblical roles they are preparing for as godly young men. In addition, we have given them some “rights of passage” along the way to mark their progress. The Making of a Modern Day Knight has been helpful in this. At age 16 we ask 8-10 godly men from the church to share with our sons what we believe their responsibilities are to God, family, women, society, peers, driving and facing fear, all of which are part of being a man.  We then commit ourselves to holding them accountable to learn and meet these responsibilities.

In our family we talk about nearly everything around the dinner table and topics of male/female relationships have been common, especially as they have seen their friends get hurt / stumble. When our family doctor told us our boys were entering puberty, I took each of the boys out and talked to them privately explaining the physical changes they would be experiencing as well as how to cope with the changes and also, my expectations of them. Thankfully, I have a very strong and open relationship with all three of my sons, but that has taken work on both sides. I have learned to change my schedule to take advantage of those times when each son wanted to talk and needed to talk, as well as being pro-active in pursuing them when they seemed to be getting a bit distant.

From the protective side, we have been careful about what they have been exposed to through the various media and in relationships. We chose to home school all three boys, providing exposure to the world in bits and pieces as they were ready for it through sports, Boy Scouts, employment and in college (Our eldest started at the local Community College at age 16, but was only allowed to take certain classes until we believed he was ready to handle the perversions of history and morality presented in the social science classes). Their worldview had a solid foundation laid before allowing it to face the full brunt of the storms of secular society.

Those are some initial thoughts. Not having any daughters (nor did I have any sisters) I am without any experience in that area. Son’s (and brothers) I know well and believe I am blessed beyond measure in observing how our two oldest son’s have become upstanding young men who have already taken leadership positions in their generation to help their peers walk with God and to resist conformity to this world.

.  .  .  to the Republic for which is stands .  .  .

In the Growing Kids God’s Way Epilogue, we put forth a belief that a fundamental relationship exist between parenting and the preservation or destruction of our society. The principles shared in Growing Kids and other places aim first and foremost to help parents glorify God through their families. Yet, the same principles governing family conduct are also investments in the preservation of our Nation.

The moral and political destiny of any society will always be in the hands of the present parenting generation. By that statement, I do not mean to imply that God is not in control, but rather that His sowing/reaping principles are at work (Matthew 7:17-20; Galatians 6:7). What children become in the future will largely be a reflection of what their parents believe today. So the Nation follows. The family is the values-generating institution of our society. Once it becomes philosophically humanistic, there is little likelihood that it will return to the values that once made our Republic strong.

Biblical ethics clarifies our purpose in life by defining who we are and our duty to prepare the next generation to morally influence society. There is little hope for our collective future without a biblical sense of otherness, fairness, compassion, honesty, and justice. Can a Republic survive without biblical ethics? Can biblical ethics influence a society without a strong Christian witness maintained by each parenting generation?

America at one time had a collective moral conscience and our citizenship lived within a moral consensus. Biblical values guided that accord. That does not mean we were a Christian Nation, but it does mean we allowed a God-centered world view to guide our morality by providing fundamental virtues and values that had their origin in life, not cosmic chance. The more we lose our moral consensus as a Nation, the more we splinter into subgroups, each vying for power or striving to form coalitions of power. To maintain social stability more and more external laws are needed to replace the vacuum created by the loss of common values ─ common values that were at one time, intrinsically part of our commonness.

Our country has one of the greatest legal instruments ever written by man-the United States Constitution. It guarantees individual freedom to live without government intrusion. As great as it is, the instrument quickly loses value if we remove the moral foundations on which our liberty is based. Alter any underlying principles on which the Constitution was constructed and you alter the meaning of the Constitution. If we redefine the moral basis on which our liberty is granted, we inevitably redefine liberty itself. As each generation redefines the values that forged the Constitution they change the public character of authority that represents the Constitution. When that happens, the very premise of what a “Republic” is gets lost or muted.

We believe any generation of children not giving a working understanding behind the values that make a Republic what it is, is destined to lose the gift of true liberty. When it comes to parenting and values, we can help. When it comes to teaching your children the meaning of “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of American and to the Republic for which it stands. . .” here is a resource to consider: Our Republic

The concept of Community is not new to our GFI family - Gary has been teaching the importance and value of being a part of a ‘like-minded’ community for years. In reading the following article in Pastor Joe’s newsletter, I was once again reminded of the value and power of Community.

We in the U.S. are not the only ones facing economic challenges, this is a worldwide issue and for most of the world, this is not something new, they have been living with it a long time. Yet, as I watch and listen to the news, it seems the mainstream media is not addressing the ‘root cause’ - what are our Beliefs? Everyone agrees,  we have a broken ‘how’ and those attempting to ‘fix’ the problem, while they may inadvertently go back to their Beliefs and goals, those Beliefs + goals do not reflect the core Beliefs we all hold to, which starts with a Creator God - it’s difficult to come to a consensus when the starting point differs.

But we, as part of the Body of Jesus Christ know where our strength comes from. Let us not grow weary in well doing, living our lives according to the character and virtues found in Christ and then instilling those virtues into the heart of our children. We are the salt & light, our purpose is to glorify, [make bigger] our Father in Heaven. What an exciting time for us to live and fulfill the purpose for which we were created. Blessings, Anne Marie

Right now I'm replaying a video in my mind of how a pack of wolves takes on a herd of Elk. Of course, the wolves do not stand a chance going head to head with the herd, so what do they do: they isolate an individual from the herd. Then, an elk becomes easy prey for the wolves.

This brief illustration is a reminder of the power of community. The Bible challenges followers of Christ to be ‘plugged in' and a part of His community; the local church. It is unfortunate that many who claim the name of Jesus are not involved in a local community. Please understand that I am talking about more than just attending a weekend service!

During times such as our nation is currently facing, the concept of community becomes important, especially taking into consideration the fact that many families are scattered across the country. Here are a few reasons to consider: as I already mentioned, the power of community is seen in the protection it provides. The saying "there is strength in numbers" is very true. The Bible teaches that “though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NIV). It is even amazing how participants in ‘Survivor’-type reality shows work together, despite efforts of the producers to cause tension and discord. What helped our country survive the Great Depression was a commitment to one another. Should the economic situation continue to deteriorate, your community of faith will become even more important.

Another power of a Community is its ability to share and help meet needs. One of the hallmarks of the Church established by Jesus Christ (at least until the modern welfare system was established), was that Christians took care their own and others. The first century church knew the power of sharing. “There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need” Acts 4:34-35 (NIV).

The power of community also adds meaning to your life. For the Christian, community is the soil for cultivating your God-given purpose. Paul writes, “so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us” Romans 12:5-6 (NIV). Often, the greatest blessing of belonging to a community of faith is not what you get, but how you are able to touch others by giving: “remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive’” Acts 20:35b (NIV).

We also see that the power of Community is a source of encouragement. The author of Hebrews, writing to a group of persecuted people said this: “and let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV). Your greatest need during difficult times is encouragement. Often, it is an encouraging word or knowing that someone is praying on your behalf that gives you the strength to press on.

So, if things continue to unravel morally and  economically, will you and your family be ‘running with the herd’/Community or isolated and alone? Joe Parkinson

 

Anne Marie Ezzo says, “the following is written by our good friend Dave Johns [Gary's biking buddy in California and also part of the Middle Years video audience] as a response to a request I sent out to some parents of boys. His response was so encouraging, just had to share it.”

Bringing up a Christian boy in the 21^st century and trying to help them keep their mind pure is almost an impossible task. Temptations for the eyes are everywhere (i.e. TV, movies, internet, newspapers, shopping malls and almost anywhere one may glance at some point in the day). We have a TV guardian and internet / email filters for the computers. We have these to keep the number of temptations lower than what they might be otherwise. What we have found to be spiritually fundamental are the following:

1.)    From 2 Corinthians 10:5 (”…we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ“) we have taught our children to put traps in their minds even as children. When a bad thought enters their mind, they are to snap the trap on the bad thought and destroy it. We know that bad thoughts will enter our minds. That is not sin - it is part of life. What we do with those thoughts determine our spiritual nature. If we get rid of the thought and put it out of our thinking, we honor God by doing so and He will be pleased with us. If we dwell on the sinful thought, then that alone is a sin. Any action that results from pursuing the thought just makes it worse.

2.)    From Titus 2:7 (”Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works…“) both my wife and I have tried to be examples in the home in all areas of our Christian life. We do not watch movies, TV shows and even commercials where there is content that could be tempting to a young man. Sometimes we may turn the channel to miss a section that isn’t appropriate and then try and go back later to see if we can watch more of the program. We make sure that no one walks around the house in attire that is too revealing. We even keep our cash in a place that the children don’t know about so that temptation isn’t too appealing.

3.)    From Psalm 110:11 (”Your word I have treasured in my heart, That I may not sin against You.“) we have had our children memorize many verses mostly through the AWANA program and some on our own to teach a principle (ex. “…Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to become angry” James 1:19) . Our son has told us several times that repeating scripture in his mind has helped him to put away sinful thoughts.

4.)    From Matthew 6:13 (”…And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil.“) my wife and I have prayed almost everyday for our children. We pray specifically that God would deliver our children (and ourselves) from temptation and from the evil that is so prevalent in this world.

For four years I worked with high school kids at church. I was curious as to why so many (over 50%) stopped going to church after they left high school. What was it about the ones that stayed that was different from the ones that left their church and most of them their faith? The answer I came up with was this. The ones that stayed in Christ were the ones that wanted to be used by God for His glory. They took a personal interest in what was said and done. They were not necessarily the ones that were active in the youth group. The active ones were the popular ones. The boy that walked up to the new person and introduced themselves instead of spending all their time his friends is an example. The ones who wanted to volunteer to ask people at a hospital to see if they wanted to go to a church service is another example. Everyone wanted to go to the social events.

I discipled four boys for one year, two are still walking with God, the other two are not. Looking back, I think the difference between the two was not that they didn’t do the work I assigned them (half the time none of them did the work), it was the fact that the two boys who took the work to heart are the ones that are still walking with God.

My own son has struggled with the same temptations I struggled with and that most every guy has to deal with growing up. For those of us who were not Christians as teenagers, we were told by our psychology teacher that our thoughts and actions were not sin and gave us material to read to help us justify ourselves. I don’t think the advice we got was helpful. I have tried to teach my son that pleasing God is the most important thing we can do in this life. It will determine how we spend eternity. Knowing what God wants from us is only part of the answer. Living that life takes a desire that can only be given to us by God. It is why we pray to God that He will save our children. I have told my son to enjoy life and take advantage of many activities that it has to offer (ex. Sports, music performance, etc). I have told him many times to keep in mind that “…God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.” (last verse of Ecclesiastes).

I have heard and seen that boys who are active in sports and don’t have a lot of free time on their hands to dwell on things that they shouldn’t. I think being involved in any activity such as music performance where a great deal of practice is required is also helpful.