One thing I don’t understand about consistency is why our children’s obedience is so dependent on it! Why do they gamble that if we didn’t correct them one time they may get away with it this time? Why must they constantly check the boundaries to insure they are there? Why do they start acting up when I am the most tired and feel least like being consistent? Why?

I may never understand why consistency is so vital and must be so vigilantly maintained, but that doesn’t change the fact that that’s just the way it is. I find that many of us parents are inconsistent because we fail to see the connection between inconsistency and behavioral issues. We scratch our heads and wonder what on earth is going on with our youngster and think the fault must surely lie with someone other than ourselves. What could we possibly have done? The answer: Nothing!

We did nothing when our child walked away when we told them to come to us. We did nothing about that little under-the-breath comment we heard, but ignored. We did nothing when we knew their heart was screaming rebellion while they were sullenly compliant. We did nothing all week.

Why are we inconsistent? Sometimes physical or psychological exhaustion seems to be a weight that lays over us like a lead blanket, keeping us from standing up to deal with the issues. Maybe it hits you at the end of the day or right after lunch, but whenever it is, it’s important that you recognize it as an enemy to your parenting and throw off the lead blanket and deal with the issue.

Perhaps we are inconsistent because of battle fatigue. Similar to the above, but caused by frequently having to deal with a particular child on a particular issue, this is possibly the worst time to give in. If you do, you have just successfully taught your child where or what your consistency limit is. They will likely try to push you to this point tomorrow.

Another cause of inconsistency is the ostrich effect. Perhaps, though obvious to all around, we just don’t want to acknowledge that there is an issue. This is the parent who chooses to not address the underlying attitude in the rolling eyeballs. We will not see the problem go away if we ignore it (as we are hoping). We will only watch helplessly as the problem grows. It is so much better to deal with the smaller issues; it will avoid so many of the larger ones.

Inconsistency can also be a product of the “Let’s only be happy” philosophy. This philosophy is noble and, to be sure, children will often reflect our attitude, making it very important that the attitude we display is a cheerful one. However, nothing spoils a good day like an increasingly rebellious child. Though we want to make things happy and cheerful in our homes, it is important to deal with an obedience or attitude problem immediately. Then make sure you forgive, restore and go back to cheerfulness! Nipping it in the bud will keep your home happier than obedience or attitude problem immediately. Then make sure you forgive, restore and go back to cheerfulness! Nipping it in the bud will keep your home happier than trying to overlook it and plod on.

Maybe you have other reasons for being inconsistent, but whatever they are, they aren’t worth it. Inconsistency has a way of sapping the joy out of parenting because you never making any progress and are constantly dealing with the same issue. One way we remember to stay consistent is to reflect on the consequences of inconsistency. It became my mental mantra to tell myself, “If I don’t deal with this now, I’ll deal with it ten times later.”

I may not comprehend why children are so dependent on consistency, but I see that it is true. They are sweet and loving and adorable, but they do push our limits! I guess I’ll eat my veggies so I can enjoy my dessert later.

Permission granted by Tim and Ami Loper of Miracle Books.  Ami also blogs at Yada, Yada, Yada.

Happy Father’s Day …

Love,

Gary & Anne Marie

The Brief History of Father’s Day in the United States

There are two stories of when the first Father’s Day was celebrated. According to some accounts, the first Father’s Day was celebrated in Washington state on June 19, 1910. A woman by the name of Sonora Smart Dodd came up with the idea of honoring and celebrating her father while listening to a Mother’s Day sermon at church in 1909. She felt as though mothers were getting all the acclaim while fathers were equally deserving of a day of praise.

Sonora’s dad was quite a man. William Smart, a veteran of the Civil War, was left a widower when his wife died while giving birth to their sixth child. He went on to raise the six children by himself on their small farm in Washington. To show her appreciation for all the hard work and love William gave to her and her siblings, Sonora thought there should be a day to pay homage to him and other dads like him. She initially suggested June 5th, the anniversary of her father’s death to be the designated day to celebrate Father’s Day, but due to some bad planning, the celebration in Spokane, Washington was deferred to the third Sunday in June.

The other story of the first Father’s Day in America happened all the way on the other side of the country in Fairmont, West Virginia on July 5, 1908. Grace Golden Clayton suggested to the minister of the local Methodist church that they hold services to celebrate fathers after a deadly mine explosion killed 361 men.

While Father’s Day was celebrated locally in several communities across the country, unofficial support to make the celebration a national holiday began almost immediately. William Jennings Bryant was one of its staunchest proponents. In 1924, President Calvin “Silent Cal” Coolidge recommended that Father’s Day become a national holiday. But no official action was taken.

In 1966, Lyndon B. Johnson, through an executive order, designated the third Sunday in June as the official day to celebrate Father’s Day. However, it wasn’t until 1972, during the Nixon administration, that Father’s Day was officially recognized as a national holiday.

Father’s Day Around The World

Other countries also picked up on the idea of Father’s Day. While many followed suit by celebrating it on the third Sunday in June, some decided to honor dad on different dates. So, no matter where you live, be sure to honor & remember your Dad. [used with permission from The Art of Manliness – A Brief History of Father's Day by Brett & Kate McKay]

For those with younger infants, it’s helpful to begin early putting baby down for naps in different rooms of the house, once or twice a week.  If you have a portable bassinet or portable crib, that’s great, but a playpen works well too, as well as a stroller that can fold down flat for napping.  Once baby is too big for the bassinet, you can still use the playpen for this purpose.

Once your baby is about 6 months old or older, there will be a bit more re-training involved.  Some find it helpful to start with the nighttime sleep in the playpen, others choose naps – the idea is to pick what suits your family best and begin to help your little one work through learning this new skill of falling asleep elsewhere besides his crib. Try starting by placing his playpen or portable crib in his room next to his crib and using it for sleep for a couple of nights or naps in a row.  Once he’s got that down, try moving it into another room of the house, for his naps for a day.  Once he’s fine with napping in it where ever it happens to be, he can move back to his crib, but have him take a nap in the portable crib now and again (once or twice a week) so that it will still feel familiar to him when you do need to use it away from home.

Anne Marie Ezzo says, “After reading Pastor Joe’s article on ‘fear’, it made me think about how often we, especially as parents can operate out of fear. Fear that our children won’t love us if we have boundaries or need to correct them. Fear that ‘what if I’m not doing it right?’ Oh, the list of ‘what ifs’ can be so long, it can immobilize us from doing what is right before God.  2 Timothy 1:7 says , “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind.” Some translations read: ’self-control’ … there is that word again! The very thing as parents we work so diligently at with our children, as a child of God, we need to exercise that as well. Plus as Pastor Joe shares … “there is no fear in love” … we want our children to love us, so we can demonstrate what perfect love is to them, by exercising that ‘love, power & self-control’ the Lord has given us. Be encouraged, keep pressing on and yes, in ‘due season you will reap a beautiful harvest’ … enjoy the following:”

Does fear keep you from being everything that God wants you to be?  If you are like most people, your answer would be yes.  The only difference between us would be the degree of fear that limits each of us.  The Encarta Dictionary uses four phrases to define fear:  feelings of anxiety; frightening thoughts; reverence and worry.  It is the fourth phrase that the Apostle John addresses in his letter.  John reminds us of our need to grow in our understanding of God’s love for us.

We need to begin by saying that not all fear is bad or even sinful.  The emotion of fear is a God given emotion that heightens our senses and awareness in situations of anticipated danger.  The attitude of fear, one of reverence, is also good as it is used in the Bible to describe our attitude toward God.  John is concerned with the fourth type of fear, that of worry. One of the biggest barriers in the Christian life is this last type of fear. This type of fear in many ways is the opposite of faith (trust).  While faith sees whatcan be done, fear focuses on what cannot!

The Bible warns the follower of Christ about this barrier.  The writer of Proverbs warns us against being controlled by what others think, rather than what God thinks.  This is called the fear of man.  “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” Proverbs 29:25 The apostle Paul warns us against the cousin of fear, worry, which encourages followers of Christ to pray.  “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6 John warns the follower of Christ not to compromise their special relationship with Jesus Christ.  Unfortunately, too many followers of Christ allow fear to limit their relationship with God.  John writes, “There is no fear in love.” 1 John 4:18 The literal word order in this sentence is “fear there is not in love.” The beauty and power of what John is trying to get us to understand is that if you are a born again Christian you are loved by God and have nothing to fear!  John continues in verse 18, “But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

Fear manifests its control in our lives in a number of different ways.  The obvious is when it keeps us from living by faith.  The times that we are called to trust that God will go with us yet we refuse because we are not sure that we can trust God.  Fear can also cause us to overload our schedules because we are trying to make everyone happy, especially God.  Fear is also at work when there is no satisfaction in our service because we feel it is not good enough.  Fear can rob us of the joy of being ourselves because we are always restrained by what others might think.  Fear also keeps us from saying “No” because of how others will think of us.

The antidote is to immerse yourself in God’s love for you.  It is only through a proper understanding of your relationship with God that you can, as John writes, drive fear out of your life.  If you are struggling with fear, can I encourage you to take a moment and prayerfully read I John 4:9-19.  As you read these verses, notice how much God loves you!

-Pastor Joe Parkinson