Last night I visited a family that reminded me of my own.  Standing visiting in the driveway was like a busy freeway interchange with traffic coming and going. Chances are you know exactly what I am talking about.  Our family with four teenagers at home is no different.  Even today in our home we needed to work out dinner, four soccer practices and our leading a small group parenting study at another home all happening at the same time.  The day was no different with work, piano lesson for the two youngest and transportation for one child attending Community College.  (What a blessing that the other drove to Community College today).  There were also errands to run, groceries to purchase and some car parts to pick up!  Sound like your home?

In the midst of our busy schedules it is easy to get caught up in the day to day challenges and forget to invest in the lives of our children.  I wonder how the world’s smartest father, King Solomon, juggled the busyness of family and running a kingdom.  While that question must go unanswered, we do know that he had a goal as a parent.  It was to reach the heart of his children.  In a world that desires successful kids it is easy to miss the real focus, training our child’s heart.  The Apostle Paul encourages parents to make this the priority when he writes, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4 King Solomon made the same point over a thousand years earlier when he instructed his son, “My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity.”(Proverbs 3:1–2) What is interesting is this is the same thing that Solomon’s father, a man after God’s own heart, King David said to him as a child. “When I was a boy in my father’s house, still tender, and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said, “Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live.” (Proverbs 4:3–4) We must understand, just as these men did, how important it is to shape our kids heart.

But what is the heart?  Figuratively speaking, it is the real you.  It is who you are when you have those conversations with yourself in the shower.  It what you really feel and really think when your spouse says something you don’t agree with, even though you are afraid to respond.  The real you does include your feelings, your intellect and your will.  It is not who people think you are.  It is not who you want people to think you are.  It is the real you.  And Jesus reminds us that it is the real us that controls what we say and the choices that we make.  “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45) That is the Bible admonishing parents to shape our child’s heart for the Lord.  That means that their heart needs to be developed, corrected, and guarded.

In the midst of life on the interchange, let’s not miss the opportunity to shape our children’s hearts for the Lord!

-Pastor Joe Parkinson

Preparing for a wedding is a thing that can completely dominate your life, especially for Mothers and daughters.  The bride is so intent on the wedding and is so anxious for the day to arrive, but mostly her heart is so focused on a life with the groom; that nothing else seems to matter.

As I work on wedding centerpieces I ponder on my spiritual bridegroom, and I wonder what Christian lives would be like if they embraced Christ the way a young bride does her perspective husband.   Can you imagine being depressed if you did not hear his voice at least once every day?  Can you imagine being so focused on your future together that nothing else around you holds much importance?  Can you imagine exerting all your energies to making yourself beautiful and the day you meet Him at the altar the loveliest of all days?

Christ is our Bridegroom and in Revelation two, He walks through one of His churches looking at His bride (believers) and He comments that they have lost their first love.  He notes the deeds they have done, and that they have not tolerated evil men, and that they have continued in His work without growing weary, but He holds against them that they have lost their Love!  They are going through the motions and doing what is right, but their heart no longer finds joy in the pursuit.

Have we lost our first love?  Have we become dull in our attentions to our Bridegroom?

Just yesterday as I was getting ready for church, I had decided to put on a pair of pants to cover the scads of mosquito bites I had acquired working in the yard, but then reminded myself that I always wear a dress to church.  As I rationalized with myself over what to wear and why, I realized that I had moved from a heart action to a habitual one.  Originally the impetus behind getting dressed up for church was to honor my Bridegroom.  When I went out on dates with my husband, which I did once a week on date night, I would prepare myself to please him.  I decided a long time ago that I could show my love to Jesus by giving Him the same kind of attention.  Sunday was our scheduled date time.  I would dress to honor my Bridegroom and would anticipate spending time with Him in song and fellowship and just adoring Him for who He is and drinking in His word.  My Sunday dates with Christ weren’t like other days where I laid all my problems in His lap and discussed with Him how to change this or that in my life, or petitioned Him on behalf of others, or dissected the treasures in His Word.  Our date day was one to just find joy in our love.  But, this past Sunday I realized the love in my preparation was merely a habit of days passing one into another.  As stated in Revelation I was still doing the good thing, but with no heart behind it.  I started pondering other things in my relationship with the Lord and found some to still hold the loving attitude of a bride, and sadly others, like this, one that did not.

How about you?  When was the last time you thought of the Lord as your bridegroom?  Do you remember the last time when you were so in love with His character that you thought your emotions would burst out of your skin?  Do you rush to meet Him every morning with delight and are saddened when your prayer time is cut short?   Does His Word elate you with its wisdom and practicality?  Do you look forward to going to church the same way you anticipate a night out?  Is your heart happy in serving Him?

Longevity in our betrothal is much like the years passing in a marriage.  We can lapse imperceptibly into a routine that eclipses the passion of the relationship.  It is not intentional.  There are no bells, or alarms to alert us.  There is simply a compromise here, a deliberate looking the other way, a yawn with the known, a preoccupation with something else, and before you know it that which was once special is now ho-hum.

Take time to think about your relationship with Christ.  Don’t lie to yourself.  Is the way you were the way you are now?   Have moral or ethical compromises, ever so slightly, eroded your standards?  Have the things that were once “no big deal” grown into “how did I get here”?  Have preoccupations with other loves dulled your affection for God?  Have everyday duties pushed Him into an unobtrusive corner where he can be ignored?

If you are honest with yourself and find yourself drifting into a loss of love or are already soundly there, then do as your Bridegroom instructs.  “Remember therefore from where you have fallen and repent and do the deeds you did at first (Rev. 2:5). Go back in your mind to when you were passionate for the Lord.  Repent of the things that got in the way, distracted you, or took the number one spot in your heart away from Him.  Go back to doing the things for Him in the way you did them when your heart was first full of love for Him.  Remember love is not an emotion, it is a choice.  That is why He tells us to love Him with all our heart, soul, and mind.   Choose to be crazy in love with your eternal Bridegroom!

As God pleases, dispose the day © 2010  is an electronic devotional by D. A.  Brewer.   All Bible quotations are from the New American Standard Version, © 1993 Lockman Foundation and used by permission.  The title “As God pleases, dispose the day” is a quote from Henry V by William Shakespeare.

Do fathers really matter?  In our mixed up fragmented society where the nuclear family is under attack, I would like to ask that question.  Do dads really matter?  Does the absence of a dad’s loving leadership adversely affect your kids?

While the secular world attempts to stick its head in the sand when asked this question, the statistics answer “Yes!”  A quick Google on this topic reminds us of the cold hard facts of how important a dad is to the development of his children.  The litany of maladies that face the fatherless range from greater and earlier sexual activity than their peers living with two natural parents to a dramatically greater risk of alcohol abuse.  The list also would include drug abuse, sexual abuse, child abuse, suicidal tendencies, confused identities, emotional distress and learning issues.

The Bible also speaks from a positive perspective on the importance of a Dad’s influence.  King Solomon gave this testimony of the impact his father, King David, had on him as a child. “When I was a boy in my father’s house, still tender, and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said, “Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live.” (Proverbs 4:3–4) The book of Proverbs is primarily a compilation of Solomon’s instruction to his children.

Sometimes as Dads we are just clueless to what is expected of us.  In my recent study on this topic I identified four Biblical responsibilities of Dads.  The first is to provide for your family.  Paul reminds Timothy, who we believe was pastoring the church of Ephesus, that the wage earners (Dads) need to provide for their own families. “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8 This simply means that dads need to work and attempt to work at a position that is able to provide for their families.  I realize in a time of record unemployment this can be discouraging.  This means that Dads in this situation will treat finding a job as their job.

Dads are also called to be the spiritual mentors in the home.  Christians of the past would refer to dad as the “priest of the home.”  In the application section of Paul’s letter to the church in Ephesus writes “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. ” Ephesians 6:4 It is interesting that Paul does not say that it is the Youth Pastor’s responsibility or even the government’s responsibility.  He says that you as Dad need to take responsibility for the spiritual training of your children.  It does not preclude the help of your wife, other adults, your church or your youth pastor but it does make you, the Dad, responsible.  One of the best ways to mentor your children Dad is to model what you desire in them.  “Do as I say not as I do just does not cut it!”

Dads are called to be our kids coach.  One of the jobs of a coach is not only to instruct but to correct.  The writer of Hebrews uses the assumption to illustrate God’s correction when he writes, “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? ” Hebrews 12:7 Also, “Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.” Hebrews 12:10 I know that correction is not very popular with our culture but it is a necessary part of coaching our kids!  The Bible reminds us that Dad needs to take the lead role in loving correction.  In our home as a rule of thumb I handle all the correction when I am home. We have found it demonstrates my support for my wife and it keeps me involved in coaching my kids.

Last, the Bible reminds us that we as Dads need to be cheerleaders for our kids.  We need to be encouragers with our actions and words. All too often our desire for greatness in our children leads to what I will call verbal cruelty.  The Bible states it this way, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” Colossians 3:21 It breaks my heart when I hear fathers use cutting remarks, cutting humor or put downs to motivate their children.  The Bible reminds us to exercise the positive by presenting the negative.  Often in our desire to suppress wrong behavior we fail to recognize right behavior!  Your kids are never too old for kisses and hugs.  Watch their face light up with you tell them “I love you.”  Also look for ways to complement them with “I really like your new outfit.” or “I am so proud of the way that you handled that difficult situation.”

Dads, let’s not miss the opportunity that God has given us to be a blessing to our children.  Our wives may do many of these things but it will mean so much more when you get involved.  Why not give it a try? Because no matter what the culture says, you do make a difference!

-Pastor Joe Parkinson

Most kids have dreams of what they would like to be when they “grow up.”  Mine was to be an astronaut.  Growing up under the shadow of the space race left me fascinated with space travel.  Visits to the Kennedy Space Center helped fuel that passion.  A lot has changed since then but I still admire those that are astronauts.

When we think about raising successful kids it is natural to think academic, social and even sports opportunities are the way to secure their success.  In our desire to help our kids succeed we will help them with their school assignments, even hounding them to do their homework, shuttle them all over the place for sports practices and games and see that they are enrolled in opportunities to learn an instrument, dance classes, etc.  What we often ignore is God’s launching pad for your kids.  Just as the shuttle launch pad and what’s behind the launch scene is crucial for a successful space mission, so is what happens in the marriage, God’s launch pad for great kids.

Psalm 127, written by the wisest man that has ever lived, begins like this, “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” Psalm 127:1 NIV It is easy for us to think of a physical building.  We know that that is not what Solomon is saying.  So what does it mean when it says God builds the house?   It is figuratively speaking of God using a framing hammer to mold and shape the lives of dad and mom so that they can shape the kids!  This verse reminds us that the best opportunity for success in your child’s life is derived from a strong relationship between dad and mom.  There is something more important than academics, sports or social opportunities.  It is for your child to be raised in a home where you, the parent, are living out Biblical truth.  That is why after giving the Ten Commands that God says to the parents “These commandments …are to be upon your hearts.” Deuteronomy 6:6 That is why Paul instructs the parents in the Ephesians church to “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4b

The best opportunity that you can give your child can also be the most challenging, a strong marriage relationship.  If you don’t believe me just Google the phrase “kids divorce statistics” and read a few of the articles.  What our kids need more than designer clothes and designer opportunities is a solid home!

Here are some brief suggestions for helping you strengthen your relationship with your spouse.  First, pray together each night.  A brief couple sentence prayer will draw you closer to God and each other.  It is hard to go to bed fighting when you pray!  Second, work out your issues in a timely manner.  Don’t sweep things under the carpet.  The pile only gets bigger.  If you can’t work things out talk to your pastor and get some help.  Third, work as a team not as adversaries.  My biggest challenging in counseling is to get spouses to lay down their weapons!  When you are at war the other person can do nothing right.  Give them the benefit of the doubt.  Try to put yourself in their shoes.

Fourth, show your appreciation for each other.  Guys, open the car door for your wives.  Gals, be sure to meet your guy at the door when he comes home.  Be sure to use please and thank you.  A kiss every time you leave and the words “I love you” spoken often help to strengthen your marriage.  Fifth, communicate regularly.  Sitting down on the couch for 5-10 minutes when you get home at night.  Enjoying your after dinner dessert as a couple with no kids or even a cup of coffee in the morning helps keep the two of you in sync.  Strong marriages are built on good communication and good communication takes time!

Sixth, get out for a regular date night.  I recommend dinner over a movie (not a lot is said watching a movie).  If finances are tight a cup of coffee and a shared dessert does wonders for rekindling the relationship.  Seventh, do at least one romantic getaway each year.  Your anniversary is a great opportunity to get away as a couple and spend some extended time together.  The pressures of life and responsibilities of kids can quench the fire for our spouse.  The romantic getaway is like putting a new log on the fire.

There is nothing wrong with providing your kids with opportunities to excel in academics, sports and social opportunities.  Just don’t let it ellipse the priority of your relationship with your spouse!   Your kids will be all the better for it (and so will you)!

-Pastor Joe Parkinson

One day, sitting by a peaceful pond, I found myself amused by three children, their tiny feet scrambling back and forth as they pursued the perfect skipping stone. Who hasn’t as a child, at one time or another tried to skip a stone across the smooth surface of a lake or dropped a pebble in a pool of water and then watched as perfect concentric circles expand outward. While it is the weight of the pebble breaking the surface that creates energy causing an expansion of ripples, the actual source that brought this energy to life was the decision to drop the pebble in the first place.

There is a parenting principle tied to this metaphor. Every decision we will make in 2011 and every action taken will set in motion a ripple effect of corresponding outcomes. Some ripples will be small and inconsequential; others will be impactful and long lasting. And still some outcomes will be completely unintended.

In our example above, the stone hitting the water might scare baby turtles floating near the surface, driving them into deep water, possibly toward a predator; the sound of the splash might startle some water birds and cause them to take flight, leaving behind a familiar habitat that provided food and safety. If these collateral actions take place then we’re connected to all of them because we purposed to drop a stone in the water in the first place.

When it comes to parenting, the analogy fits! Outcomes, even unintended ones are ultimately tied back to our decisions and our decisions are guided by our personal beliefs and assumptions about life and the purpose of our existence. Those beliefs form convictions and convictions give value to our actions.

The ancient Greeks were forever searching for the meaning of life. In contrast, the ancient Israelites had prophets who continually unfolded God’s plan to His people. They had no philosophers because they had nothing to philosophize about, the meaning and purpose for their existence came from God’s revelation, which in turn provided the meaning of life.

As you start the New Year, take inventory of your beliefs. Are you guided more by biblical revelation than human philosophy? Are you directed more by purposeful training than random chance? What purpose do your beliefs and actions serve? Hopefully it is a purpose tied back to advancing the Kingdom of God. With purpose comes conviction; with convictions comes confidence that you are doing the right thing by way of your children. Happy New Year!