In conclusion of our series on “Structure and Routine”, I want to share some practical tips and things to consider when just starting a schedule. These tips may also be helpful for those who already have a schedule or routine in place.

First let’s define some terms!

Schedule: “A list of times of recurring events, projected operations, a time table”

Routine: “A group of regularly performed specific activities” In other words, if you always do the same thing in the same order it is a routine.

Here are my tips:

• Pray and ask for guidance. “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” James 1:5-6
• Start small, especially if having a schedule is new to you! Consider even starting with half a day and implement that first. Begin by writing down those “non negotiables” (like meals, naps, couch time, etc) and go from there.
• Don’t try and take someone else’s schedule and make it fit you. Everyone is unique and chances are their schedule just won’t fit YOU. How exasperating! Use sample schedules for activity ideas and to find a format that works for you (IE. blocks, lists, or even an order of activities without times written beside everything).
• Spend some time doing your “homework”. Make record of how you spend your time for a couple of days. Most importantly, time how long activities/chores take so you have a realistic idea and can plan accordingly in your schedule. Otherwise you’ll be frustrated trying to fit too much into time blocks and even into your day as a whole–We only have 24 hours in a day!
• If you feel like you are “running to catch up” to the next thing in your schedule, then it’s likely that you haven’t scheduled enough time for each activity. This is where doing your homework (point above) is so essential!
• You can plan a time for going out into your schedule for a certain time and day. I try to do the most important training first thing in the morning (like quiet time with God, sit time, and First Time Obedience practice) when my children are at their best. This also helps when I need to go out. We can plan for going out later in the morning after this training time.
• The way I handle an unexpected outing is when we come home, we start where ever we are at in our routine rather than trying to “make up” and cram in what we missed while we were out.
• I’ve found that sometimes a schedule ’seems’ not to work when in actuality it is my own self-control that is the issue. It takes a lot of self-control to walk away from the computer or other tasks (that may not be finished yet) and move on to the next thing that has to be done!
• It can be helpful to have larger blocks of time. These larger blocks give a bit of breathing room rather than feeling like every minute is “scheduled”. Larger blocks of time can be especially helpful for those with a Sanguine or Phlegmatic temperament. You might even consider not having “blocks” at all! My Sanguine friend found blocks to be a huge hang up and found freedom in simply having a list of routines. If you haven’t yet, read Connie’s ideas where she says schedules “are impossible and frustrating” . She has a Sanguine personality.
• Try to resist the urge to get your schedule/routines ‘perfect’ before actually using one! Our children always grow and change as do our family circumstances!

I will close with Proverbs 16:3 “Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.”

Other related posts in this series:

Structure & Routine Series Introduction

Working Mom and Routine

Routine Ideas Part 2

Routine Ideas Part 3

Routines and Temperaments

Structure and Routine with Special Needs

Structure and Routine with Special Needs Part 2

Structure and Routine - Children in School

I’m Sally Niemer and I represent a mother with children in school. My 6 year old son Ross attends Lowcountry Christian Community School 3 days a week and we home school 2 days a week. My four year old son, Dugger, attends Kid’s Day Out at East Cooper Baptist 2 days a week and is at home 3 days a week.

I am a choleric /sanguine. Choleric is the gentile way of saying that I am a bossy, demanding woman with a to-do list. Unlike Connie’s sanguine side that allows her to be cool, crazy Connie and chuck the schedule for fun occasionally, my choleric/sanguine temperament simply knows that my way is the fun way and I want everyone to have fun doing what I say! I struggle with selfishness. I want what I want, when I want it! (on a side note - I believe that this is also a by-product of the child-centered way I was raised!)

Due to our unique school situation, our schedule varies each day. We have a “get up & out to school day” schedule, a “home school day schedule”, and a “Ross school, Dugger home” schedule. I took a week-by-week planner and scheduled each day accordingly. Actually the skeleton (meaning the morning and evening hours) of our schedule does not vary that much day-by-day, but the middle is different.

A schedule has helped me make sure that the truly important things, the eternal things, the goals of our family are put in first. Otherwise, I would bulldoze over them with all types of other “productive, good, fun things”. We want our children to love Jesus, but what am I doing each day that will foster that relationship?

Having a routine has brought peace to our home and order to our day. It has been freeing to a certain degree for me. I have peace knowing that the huge pile of laundry daunting me from the laundry room will “get done” on Monday, the scheduled laundry day, so I can rest on the Sabbath with my family. In addition, I don’t tend to “boss” all the people around me to “do” everything at once since home management tasks are evenly spread among the family members across the week. I like to move fast…..Although I am really bad about doing the kids’ chores. Like when the dog is whining for food, I sometimes think it is easier to just do it and get the dog to stop than to wait for Ross to do his chore. The schedule reminds me that this is Ross’ job and a chance to teach him responsibility.

A schedule has helped me have realistic expectations. Ever double scheduled yourself? A schedule helps me fit in what is necessary and important first (like quiet time with God, church, sleep for the kids, and regular, healthy meals as a family). It helps me to evaluate what I can do and can not add to my life. Say for example, someone calls me to substitute an aerobic class or chair a service program. I can look at the schedule and easily tell if that would be possible or even best for our family.

A schedule helps keeps me on track. Even though I may wake up at 5:30 or 6 am, I can still be late getting the kids to school because I am trying to get one more thing done…finish the dishes, start one more load of laundry, etc. However, looking at my time slotted schedule helped me to see what was really realistic. You see, I thought that since it takes 10 minutes to get to Seacoast from my house, I can leave at 8:20 for the 8:30 service. There was no wiggle room in my plan- no consideration for loading into the car and walking from the car (with kids you know this can take 10 min for sure!).

There is flexibility in my schedule. A schedule, for us, is more of a guideline than a rule and my schedule is slave to me, not me to the schedule. I cannot go by the clock exactly. It is unrealistic for me! Instead, we have series of routines that we perform in generally the same order. Some days chores take longer than others. Sometimes room time extends a bit longer because I am still working on the computer. I have the freedom to be flexible!

God bless the fruits of your labor in creating and implementing a schedule for your family!

I shared in the previous post about the unique circumstances of our family in dealing with the medical needs of our second son, Caden. Now, I’m going to share how structure and routine has helped our family, specifically in the area of “self-control training.”

One of the biggest blessings in having a schedule is the ability to prioritize and plan accordingly. For example, teaching self-control is a priority in our family. We do this first thing everyday and I know I’ll get to it because I have a time for it in my day. (Of course this only works if I follow the schedule I have!) My older boys practice being able to sit still and quiet for a set amount of time. This is important character training for all children and has been especially helpful with our family’s circumstances.

When we go to various doctors’ appointments we often only get 10-15 minutes of the doctor’s time so we need to give the doctor our undivided attention before he/she is off to the next patient! This is where that self-control training we do at home is able to be used in public. When the doctor comes in my children are able to sit quietly with their hands and feet folded so that my husband and I can get though our list of things to discuss. We have also seen several times where Caden has avoided needing to be sedated for tests because he has self-control and is able to be still enough to allow the doctors and nurses to get through a procedure. What a testimony this has been!

My point is that my boys are only able to show self-control because they have been taught–at home. And the only way they were taught at home is because we WERE at home to do the training. We made it a priority for our family and I planned for it in my schedule knowing the goal that we are working towards and the “WHY” behind it.

Oh yes, I miss going to the Aquarium, Children’s Museum, play dates, park days and you name it…BUT the key lies in balance. While all of these activities may be “good things” for our children they can (in excess) take away from the “best” training opportunities. I encourage you to work on finding that balance! The training of our children takes time, planning, and implementing on our our part but the rewards are great.

Next, I will share some practical “how to’s” for starting and revising a schedule or routine.

My name is Sherry Osborne. I am a stay at home mom with 3 boys ages 5 1/2 yrs, 3 1/2 yrs, and 8 months. Both my husband and I are Choleric temperaments with Melancholy being my secondary. So schedules do fit well with the task oriented side of my temperament but that is not to say that it is always “easy” to implement and stick to.

I was asked to share my unique perspective with “structure and routine” on a panel at our local Godly Encouragement for Moms (GEMS^®) meeting. Our family’s unique situation involves lots of doctor and therapy appointments because our 3 1/2 year old, Caden, was born with health issues that has required open heart and stomach surgeries as well as numerous other surgeries/procedures since he was born. Some of the medical issues have yet to be resolved and require us to carry feeding and suction machines when we go out. So needless to say, we don’t go many “optional” places. I say “optional” because, compared to doctor and therapy appointments, fun outings for us are an “optional” choice!

I think back to those early days of parenting when it was just me with one healthy little boy. I really enjoyed being a mom who was on the go. A normal week allowed us partake in activities and play dates to my heart’s content. However, our definition of “normal” changed when Caden was born. A life on the go was no longer an option. At GEMS^® last month, Anne Marie talked about the abundance of activities available to us moms and that most of them, in themselves, are “good things.” This is what I found myself wrapped up in before Caden came along and I should admit, that even now, I often long to partake in many of those “good things.” I have found that for our family the benefit just doesn’t outweigh the costs.

It was during one of these “I wish I could…times,” that the Lord revealed to me that the thing I disliked (of not being able to go out much for fun) was actually a blessing to my children and our family as a whole. I am reminded of Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” God knew the plan He had for our family and He gave Hank and I each of our children for a reason. The blessing, which I see in hindsight, is that not being able to go out day after day has allowed me to be proactive in training my children. After all, we’re supposed to train our children in “times of non-conflict” and in private rather than in public. In other words, we have to teach things at home if we expect to use them in public.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of my contribution to this series as I share some tips on “self control training” which has become vital asset to the outings we do make.

This post is the 4th in a series from a talk I gave about my routine ideas to our monthly GEMS^® meeting along with a panel of Moms from different life situations. I have discussed the many aspects of my personal “why” and “how” of a daily routine, now I’d like to share a little about my internal conflict about routine.

My husband and I are both Choleric temperaments dominantly and Sanguines secondly. For those who haven’t taken a temperaments class, that means in short terms we are both opinionated, bossy, loud, get it done, leader types with a streak of life of the party.

Here’s how this plays out for me as a Mom- on one shoulder I have Choleric Compulsive Connie who wants a clean house, obedient child, and successful life right now. On the other shoulder there is Crazy Cool Connie who just wants to have fun. Of course Isabelle and Crazy Cool Mommy together means “Girls just wanna have FUN”, right!

There are days when I wake up and I just don’t ‘feel’ like doing my routine. I mean it would be so much more “fun” and “cool” to go to the park, then the mall, and eat fast food. Compulsive Connie warns me but I don’t listen, and Cool Connie is so happy about all the fun we are going to have today. Skipping chores, timers, and just going with the flow of “Fun Day”.

SO at the end of my super fun day reality sets in and Compulsive Connie (and hubby) is irritated. Why is the house such a mess? Why is my daughter not obeying and crying!

Ahhhh…I remember now-Girls just wanna have fun means training and house work just doesn’t get done!

So to solve this daily internal battle I plan a little fun every day, something small for both of us to look forward to when we “have the freedom to” do it. Then weekly we plan a big fun family outing.

This plan of balancing both training and “fun” time brings Compulsive Connie and Cool Connie together to become “Calm and Collected” Connie. The routine provides checks and balances to my life so I can accomplish my goals for myself and my family while also thoroughly enjoying the time I have with my daughter.

The reason I share this part of me with you is so you will see how normal I am, and not every day is perfect!

Let me end with this from Ecclesiastes 3, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” May God help us all to wisely use the time He has given us with our children, both in training and in fun!