My name is Sherry Osborne. I am a stay at home mom with 3 boys ages 5 1/2 yrs, 3 1/2 yrs, and 8 months. Both my husband and I are Choleric temperaments with Melancholy being my secondary. So schedules do fit well with the task oriented side of my temperament but that is not to say that it is always “easy” to implement and stick to.

I was asked to share my unique perspective with “structure and routine” on a panel at our local Godly Encouragement for Moms (GEMS^®) meeting. Our family’s unique situation involves lots of doctor and therapy appointments because our 3 1/2 year old, Caden, was born with health issues that has required open heart and stomach surgeries as well as numerous other surgeries/procedures since he was born. Some of the medical issues have yet to be resolved and require us to carry feeding and suction machines when we go out. So needless to say, we don’t go many “optional” places. I say “optional” because, compared to doctor and therapy appointments, fun outings for us are an “optional” choice!

I think back to those early days of parenting when it was just me with one healthy little boy. I really enjoyed being a mom who was on the go. A normal week allowed us partake in activities and play dates to my heart’s content. However, our definition of “normal” changed when Caden was born. A life on the go was no longer an option. At GEMS^® last month, Anne Marie talked about the abundance of activities available to us moms and that most of them, in themselves, are “good things.” This is what I found myself wrapped up in before Caden came along and I should admit, that even now, I often long to partake in many of those “good things.” I have found that for our family the benefit just doesn’t outweigh the costs.

It was during one of these “I wish I could…times,” that the Lord revealed to me that the thing I disliked (of not being able to go out much for fun) was actually a blessing to my children and our family as a whole. I am reminded of Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” God knew the plan He had for our family and He gave Hank and I each of our children for a reason. The blessing, which I see in hindsight, is that not being able to go out day after day has allowed me to be proactive in training my children. After all, we’re supposed to train our children in “times of non-conflict” and in private rather than in public. In other words, we have to teach things at home if we expect to use them in public.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of my contribution to this series as I share some tips on “self control training” which has become vital asset to the outings we do make.

This post is the 4th in a series from a talk I gave about my routine ideas to our monthly GEMS^® meeting along with a panel of Moms from different life situations. I have discussed the many aspects of my personal “why” and “how” of a daily routine, now I’d like to share a little about my internal conflict about routine.

My husband and I are both Choleric temperaments dominantly and Sanguines secondly. For those who haven’t taken a temperaments class, that means in short terms we are both opinionated, bossy, loud, get it done, leader types with a streak of life of the party.

Here’s how this plays out for me as a Mom- on one shoulder I have Choleric Compulsive Connie who wants a clean house, obedient child, and successful life right now. On the other shoulder there is Crazy Cool Connie who just wants to have fun. Of course Isabelle and Crazy Cool Mommy together means “Girls just wanna have FUN”, right!

There are days when I wake up and I just don’t ‘feel’ like doing my routine. I mean it would be so much more “fun” and “cool” to go to the park, then the mall, and eat fast food. Compulsive Connie warns me but I don’t listen, and Cool Connie is so happy about all the fun we are going to have today. Skipping chores, timers, and just going with the flow of “Fun Day”.

SO at the end of my super fun day reality sets in and Compulsive Connie (and hubby) is irritated. Why is the house such a mess? Why is my daughter not obeying and crying!

Ahhhh…I remember now-Girls just wanna have fun means training and house work just doesn’t get done!

So to solve this daily internal battle I plan a little fun every day, something small for both of us to look forward to when we “have the freedom to” do it. Then weekly we plan a big fun family outing.

This plan of balancing both training and “fun” time brings Compulsive Connie and Cool Connie together to become “Calm and Collected” Connie. The routine provides checks and balances to my life so I can accomplish my goals for myself and my family while also thoroughly enjoying the time I have with my daughter.

The reason I share this part of me with you is so you will see how normal I am, and not every day is perfect!

Let me end with this from Ecclesiastes 3, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” May God help us all to wisely use the time He has given us with our children, both in training and in fun!

This post is the third in a series from a talk I gave about my routine ideas to our monthly GEMS^® meeting along with a panel of Moms from different life situations.

Here are some ideas on how I developed my routine and how my basic morning goes. My hope is for these thoughts to be used as a springboard to ignite creative thoughts about your family’s routine development.
Practically speaking, I develop and change my routine based on the goals we have for our family. With a two year old our primary goal is training self-control in times of non-conflict and practicing the skills she has already accomplished.

In my routine, I guard the first 2 hours of each day to do training, because we are both well-rested. I don’t make appointments, answer phone calls, or do chores. So don’t take it personally when I don’t pick up, I’ll call you back between 2-4pm.

First we make breakfast together and try most days to eat as a family as my husband’s schedule allows. Then, we do a short devotion and pray over our day asking God for wisdom and direction. Daddy leaves for work and we give “Big Love” and wave bye,bye.

I leave the breakfast dishes alone and we go straight to Mommy directed playtime for 30-45 min, I choose the activities and we play! I do this first to give Isabelle some focused time. I have found that by filling up her emotional love tank first thing in the day there is alot less whining and hanging on the leg throughout the day.

I use this playtime to do alot of non-conflict training. Currently Isabelle struggles with sharing and so I have her share with me and role play some. She’s also a talker and whining has become more frequent, so we repeat asking “sweetly” with please and thank you.

Next is Sit time, when Isabelle sits still and quiet for a small amount of time, so she can learn physical and verbal self-control. Then off to room time for individual creative play for 45 minutes (we worked up to this amount of time!). Isabelle loves room time especially after the intensive time of training we just completed.

Mommy also loves room time, its a strategic break for us to recharge. I make a cup o Joe and have my devotion and prayer time. I’ll be honest, I am NOT a morning person. I feel like I am moving through sludge for the first 30 minutes of my day, so knowing this about myself I wait until the first feelin’ good personal time I have of the day and give that to God. After that, I also have time to do the breakfast dishes, throw in a load of laundry, and straighten up.

The next 2 or so hours of the morning we use differently every day, further training, housework, play dates, physical activity, or just plain fun! Stay tuned to hear how my temperament plays into application of my routine. God bless your parenting!

This post is the second in a series from a talk I gave about my routine ideas to our monthly GEMS^® meeting along with a panel of Moms from different life situations.

I am home with our 2 year old daughter Isabelle 5 days a week, and I have a basic flexible routine that I use on those days. My husband also does this routine on his “Daddy Daughter” Day-well, at least as far as I know!

I work 2 days a week and I find that parts of every single day (and week) are different. I have made a printed and laminated schedule for every day of the week! I’m pretty sure they thought I was crazy in the store when I brought these in to be laminated!

The reason I made them this way is so I can write on them with a white board marker when something unique to that week needs to be added and put them all on the fridge. I found this to be helpful since application of the routine is a family effort and not something I am doing alone.

There are times when your baby is young that your routine is constantly changing so you may want to print one every week for your fridge instead of laminating one for reuse.

Let me say here I do not run a “schedule” in my home- in my opinion those are impossible and frustrating for all involved. If you have ever tried to do anything with small children you learn quickly that trying to hurry them along just causes anxiety for everyone.

Instead we have an “order” or routine in which we do training and other activities throughout the day, however some days we do need to be more timely in accomplishing this first part of our day. I recommend the use of a kitchen timer for training activities.I was resistant to it initially as it seemed too strict, however the more I use it the better Isabelle has responded to my training efforts. We now have 3 timers! One upstairs, one downstairs, and a digital one for small time periods.

Coming soon…part 3 of my talk on routine ideas…how my morning goes…

This month at our local Godly Encouragement for Moms GEMS^® meeting a panel of Moms shared about their routines. I was asked to present my routine ideas based on my situation of a Mom who works part time outside the home. We have a 2 year old daughter, Isabelle, and I am a dental hygienist 2 days a week. My mother-in-law takes care of Isabelle one day a week, and my husband does the other on his day off.

I am going to split the talk I gave into 4 posts, so look for the rest of it, but this post is about how I work out my routine with my mother-in-law -”Mimi”. While we don’t agree on everything one thing we absolutely do-she adores Isabelle! Even before she was born Mimi agreed to come to our Prep for Parenting class, and for the most part she has honored us on eating and napping times. We are careful to choose our battles wisely, and try to be honoring in our requests of her as we remember Mimi has already raised 3 children!

Mimi began keeping Isabelle at 3 months old and by that point we had her basic eating/napping routine established. As Isabelle has grown from a baby into a toddler her routine has transformed many times, and we keep Mimi aware of changes. There are a few things we feel are very important to maintain in Isabelle’s routine while at Mimi’s.

First is Nap-this is a non-negotiable because we don’t want to come home to a grumpy baby. Nuf said there.

Second, we are clear on a few health and safety issues that may have changed in recent years such as sunscreen and bike helmets. Nutrition is important to us, and we bring her food, however two young adults still live at Mimi’s so there’s alot of junk available. Finally, we have requested limited TV watching-once Isabelle turned two we incorporated a video time into our routine after nap and Mimi does this also.

As for training times in our routine, when we are working on a specific behavior with Isabelle we gently make suggestions, such as “Yes Mimi, coming”. Weekly we have dinner with the in-laws and my husband and I are careful to model our training in front of Mimi so she can see ( and hopefully reinforce) our methods.

The biggest concern we have at this point is that when Isabelle is at Mimi’s her life is full of choices. Mimi asks Isabelle’s opinion on everything, and waits on her hand and foot! As you may know that makes for quite a demanding child at the end of a long work day for Mommy. Also its clear Isabelle misses me but instead of being lovey dovey she often acts out so she can get some negative attention. So how do we handle it all?

We do gently ask Mimi to limit choices, but practically speaking here’s what has helped us most.

First, I pray on my way home from work for an extra touch of patience. Next, we try to make the transition home as happy and smooth as possible. Then Mommy and Isabelle have some positive one on one time-just 10 minutes or so but no interruptions. Finally, Isabelle gets to help me make dinner and we all sit down together to review our day. Shawn and I are committed to couch time, and we are a little more lenient knowing that we are all tired at the end of the day.

If you are reading this and thinking Wow, must be nice to work so little, what about Mom’s who financially must work full time. Let me share with you some kind words of advice Gary Ezzo gave to a working Mom in our GKGW class. “You can still reach your parenting goals as a working Mom, but because you have limited time its just going to take you a little longer.”

Let’s all value every minute we have with our children, use it wisely to train their sweet little hearts, and trust God to give us that extra measure of grace we need.

Other related posts in this series:

Structure & Routine Series Introduction

Routine Ideas Part 2

Routine Ideas Part 3

Routines and Temperaments

Structure and Routine with Special Needs

Structure and Routine with Special Needs Part 2

Structure and Routine - Children in School

Structure and Routine Tips