The following post is a bit out of the ordinary from some of our regular genre. First of all, it is written by one of our ‘children’, Callie M. We met Callie, when she was just a baby, her parents took Prep for Parenting, well it had to have been the late 80’s as Callie will soon be a college graduated. You can read more about Callie and her family on her blog site Callie’s Perspective. My purpose in sharing Callie’s Perspective and Reflection on College is in part for those of you just beginning your parenting journey and other’s further down the road with college years rapidly approaching; to be encouraged knowing the foundation you are laying now in the life of each child will carry him or her well into the future. A future that as parents, you can only prepare and equip your child for but a future you cannot control. Life is a journey for each one of us and God has lessons for us to learn along the way … Callie shares some of her life lessons with us, hope you enjoy it.

Blessings on your journey in parenting and life,

Anne Marie

I’ve been studying Flannery O’Connor quite a lot lately for school. I taught a class on four of her short stories this last Monday. I chose her as the author for my teaching day because the first time I read her, I didn’t know what to do with her. Her stories are all stunningly beautiful and interesting and –– as any writer knows –– brilliant. But they are sad and violent and strange. They made me think.

Maybe what makes them so good is that they’re so . . . real. Christians often don’t like to look at the ugliness of the world. We don’t like to see the sin and pain or anything too jarring.

I’ve been like that most of my life. I would toss away any story with a slightly unhappy ending, completely frustrated by it. I would fall apart at the first sign of struggle, tension or heartbreak in my life. I was that girl that believed in prince charming and sunny days and a life that was like a movie –– a happy one with good music, of course.

But then, I got a little bit older. There were fights. There was bad heartbreak. There was rejection. There was failure. There was disappointment. There was stress and money problems. I don’t exactly think I’d been stupid before –– I just hadn’t come up against this all at once before. I couldn’t understand why my optimistic, romantic view of life wasn’t panning out. What if I let people down? What if I fail at this job? Why doesn’t he love me back? What happens if I can’t make my rent payment? How do I deal with missing my sisters so much that I ache? I didn’t like it.

Not that my life was ever bad –– no, on the contrary it’s been extraordinarily blessed. But I think I just came into a fuller realization of the pain in the world. Not just mine, but everyone’s. And my little heart was heavy. I wondered if I was just getting wiser, or was I losing my optimism?

Yes, I was a die-hard romantic, but over these last few years, I found myself asking: Is it bad if I’m not anymore?

I think Flannery answered that question for me. She brought together a lot of the truths I’ve been learning over these years of college. Torrey’s mantra is that we want to pursue the good, the true and the beautiful. And it’s been hard work. These last four years haven’t been a walk in the park . . . yet, in some ways they have. What I mean is: I didn’t always find the good, the true or the beautiful, but the route was scenic. Maybe just the act of looking for them is optimistic — because that means you believe the good is out there. God is out there.

As Flannery’s stories showed me so poignantly, the good and beautiful in life are sometimes still painful. And the pain isn’t something to shun. One of my favorite Flannery quotes is “Grace is change, and change is painful.” That’s hopeful, isn’t it? Hard, but hopeful. Maybe the definition of optimism is seeing that pain is grace. It too can be beautiful.

I thought maybe I lost my optimism in a slew of real life — work, tuition checks, conflict and boy drama. But then, I think of sitting in the sun on my deck, eating Panda Express with Lizzie, re-reading “Blue Castle,” laughing at the antics of my two-year-olds in my Sunday School class, cooking, sleeping, chatting, giggling…

These are both part of reality and I can’t ignore the good that comes along with pain. And I can see the good in the pain that comes from pursuing the good, the true, and the beautiful –– God. He’s hard to find here on earth sometimes. Yet, He’s magnificently everywhere.

“Grace is change, and change is pain.”

Maybe I’m more of a realist now. Maybe like Flannery, I can see the jarring and the ugly in life, and I hope I won’t run the other way. Knowing that grace and beauty are at the end –– and in between times too –– I think that makes me an optimist.

Gary & I have been talking about this very thing, well not people driving while talking on their cell phone [afraid we can’t cast that stone] anyway, we try to be careful, but that isn’t the point. It’s the idea that so often young parents begin their journey without a plan and wonder why after less than 2 years thinking … this parenting things is NO FUN. Now admittedly, it isn’t always ‘fun’ … but the idea behind the thought of it not being fun, is really, I can’t manage this child, our life is chaotic, only bit of sanity is when I go to work! Keeping one’s focus is so important and once again Ami has a very unique way of reminding us of that. Enjoy … btw this is taken from her blog Yada2know’s.

Anne Marie

Have you noticed how you can almost always tell when you are driving behind someone who is talking on their cell phone while driving? It’s irritating. They are all over the place and don’t even know it. In fact, I’ve driven with a couple of people who I would consider excellent and skillful drivers – until they answer their phones. Suddenly they don’t know where to turn, their speed varies and they are unaware of the fact that they are now straddling lane lines! There’s no hand available to turn on the blinker so that goes out the window along with reaction times and peripheral vision.

The scariest aspect of this is that they are completely oblivious to their sudden ineptness. They think they are just as capable on the phone as off. They are clueless to the fact that they look like they deserve a blinking bump sticker that screams, “STUDENT DRIVER”!

It makes me wonder how many of us drive through life like this, focused on so many things that we are really focused on nothing at all. We start off headed in the right direction, but then lose our focus and wander through the maze of the tyranny of the urgent.

Each of us needs to decide what our life’s focus is going to be and pursue it with singleness of heart. That doesn’t mean that I don’t do anything but that one thing, but it means that in everything I am called upon to do, my priority shines through. If my singular focus is to pursue an intimate relationship with God, that is my destination and whether I am cleaning the house, caring for a friend, raising my children or loving my husband, my pursuit of God is central and seen in all I do. I would choose to do things in an excellent way and for His glory.

This may mean that some things are cut out of my life, things I may have enjoyed, but would take me in a different direction than my one pursuit. Cutting things out may seem painful, but how much more painful would it be to reach my life’s end and realize I had never reached my destination? I’m not saying we should never give ourselves time to have rest, relaxation and recreation! Our gracious Lord made this world for us to enjoy and rest is part of being able to do our very best at our primary focus.

Nevertheless, there are pressures to do everything in an effort to “have it all.” And there are fleshly pressures that pull us away from what is of paramount importance. We need to learn to let the things of this world fall to the wayside. We need to establish what our primary focus is going to be and build our lives around that instead of letting our lives squeeze out what is most essential to the core of our existence. We need to know where we are going and not let anything deter us. We need to hang up and drive!

“In everything that he undertook in the service of God’s temple and in obedience to the law and the commands, he sought his God and worked wholeheartedly. And so he prospered.” 2 Chronicles 31:21

Permission granted by Tim and Ami Loper of Miracle Books.  Ami also blogs at Yada, Yada, Yada.

Just about everyone knows that the incidence of ADHD has skyrocketed in recent years, especially in boys.  Have you ever asked yourself why?  Is it that it was previously undiagnosed?  Is it stress level in modern kids?  Is it parenting style?

Any or all of these factors may contribute to the situation, but allow me to share a contributing factor that isn’t often discussed.

Rickard Louv wrote Last Child In the Woods, which has the most interesting subtitle, Saving Our Kids from Nature-Deficit Disorder. In it, he shares recent studies that have been done concerning the effect of natural surroundings on kids with ADHD.  These studies indicate that kids with ADHD tend to calm down and function better in a natural setting.  Even having a window to look out on “green” and beautiful surroundings helped many of them be more focused and centered.  Here are his thoughts as to why young people did not seem to experience such hyperactive tendencies in the past:

During…most of mankind’s history, energetic boys were particularly prized for their strength, speed, and agility…as recently as the 1950′s, most families still had some kind of agricultural connection.  Many of these children, girls as well as boys, would have been directing their energy and physicality in constructive ways: doing farm chores, bailing hay, splashing in the swimming hole, climbing tress, racing to the sandlot for a game of baseball.  Their unregimented play would have been steeped in nature.

My older son was home schooled most of his life so I can’t tell you if he would be considered ADHD because we never pursued a diagnosis.  I can tell you that during my pregnancy I often said, “I feel like there is a bucking bronco in my stomach!”  And when Ricky was born, I discovered why.  He was a constant charge of uninterrupted energy and nonstop activity.  When he became school-aged, I asked myself, how does one educate such a child?

Lesson one:  a large, open field and a butterfly net.  I remember sitting on a towel and watching my son burrow through the tall grass in pursuit of the yellow “flutter-bys,” as he called them, experiencing the wonder of capturing them a putting them in a peanut butter jar for observation!  We most often let them go, but “school” had happened in that meadow-and at least some of the “wiggles” had been released so that he was more ready to sit for while and do traditional school when we got home.

Do what you are able to provide your child, especially if he or she tends to be hyperactive, with lots of play, chores, and just “hang-out” time outside.  I know that in our society it is becoming increasingly difficult to find those opportunities to spend uninterrupted time in nature.  When that is the case don’t completely give up on bringing nature opportunities into your home.  We once had two hermit crabs that would race on our kitchen floor from the center of a hula-hoop to the outer edge.  The kids would scream and cheer, and just watching released some energy and brought about more of a sense of calm in them.

No matter what manner of challenge your child faces, he or she will benefit from being in touch with God’s creation.

Hyperactive and attention deficit kids do need boundaries, but they also need room to roam, and opportunity to enjoy the environment that God has provided for little bodies to let off steam.  Give them that first, and then work on self-control issues.  I think you find your efforts more successful!

Bev Linder

www.special-heart.com

Last night I visited a family that reminded me of my own.  Standing visiting in the driveway was like a busy freeway interchange with traffic coming and going. Chances are you know exactly what I am talking about.  Our family with four teenagers at home is no different.  Even today in our home we needed to work out dinner, four soccer practices and our leading a small group parenting study at another home all happening at the same time.  The day was no different with work, piano lesson for the two youngest and transportation for one child attending Community College.  (What a blessing that the other drove to Community College today).  There were also errands to run, groceries to purchase and some car parts to pick up!  Sound like your home?

In the midst of our busy schedules it is easy to get caught up in the day to day challenges and forget to invest in the lives of our children.  I wonder how the world’s smartest father, King Solomon, juggled the busyness of family and running a kingdom.  While that question must go unanswered, we do know that he had a goal as a parent.  It was to reach the heart of his children.  In a world that desires successful kids it is easy to miss the real focus, training our child’s heart.  The Apostle Paul encourages parents to make this the priority when he writes, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4 King Solomon made the same point over a thousand years earlier when he instructed his son, “My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity.”(Proverbs 3:1–2) What is interesting is this is the same thing that Solomon’s father, a man after God’s own heart, King David said to him as a child. “When I was a boy in my father’s house, still tender, and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said, “Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live.” (Proverbs 4:3–4) We must understand, just as these men did, how important it is to shape our kids heart.

But what is the heart?  Figuratively speaking, it is the real you.  It is who you are when you have those conversations with yourself in the shower.  It what you really feel and really think when your spouse says something you don’t agree with, even though you are afraid to respond.  The real you does include your feelings, your intellect and your will.  It is not who people think you are.  It is not who you want people to think you are.  It is the real you.  And Jesus reminds us that it is the real us that controls what we say and the choices that we make.  “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45) That is the Bible admonishing parents to shape our child’s heart for the Lord.  That means that their heart needs to be developed, corrected, and guarded.

In the midst of life on the interchange, let’s not miss the opportunity to shape our children’s hearts for the Lord!

-Pastor Joe Parkinson

Preparing for a wedding is a thing that can completely dominate your life, especially for Mothers and daughters.  The bride is so intent on the wedding and is so anxious for the day to arrive, but mostly her heart is so focused on a life with the groom; that nothing else seems to matter.

As I work on wedding centerpieces I ponder on my spiritual bridegroom, and I wonder what Christian lives would be like if they embraced Christ the way a young bride does her perspective husband.   Can you imagine being depressed if you did not hear his voice at least once every day?  Can you imagine being so focused on your future together that nothing else around you holds much importance?  Can you imagine exerting all your energies to making yourself beautiful and the day you meet Him at the altar the loveliest of all days?

Christ is our Bridegroom and in Revelation two, He walks through one of His churches looking at His bride (believers) and He comments that they have lost their first love.  He notes the deeds they have done, and that they have not tolerated evil men, and that they have continued in His work without growing weary, but He holds against them that they have lost their Love!  They are going through the motions and doing what is right, but their heart no longer finds joy in the pursuit.

Have we lost our first love?  Have we become dull in our attentions to our Bridegroom?

Just yesterday as I was getting ready for church, I had decided to put on a pair of pants to cover the scads of mosquito bites I had acquired working in the yard, but then reminded myself that I always wear a dress to church.  As I rationalized with myself over what to wear and why, I realized that I had moved from a heart action to a habitual one.  Originally the impetus behind getting dressed up for church was to honor my Bridegroom.  When I went out on dates with my husband, which I did once a week on date night, I would prepare myself to please him.  I decided a long time ago that I could show my love to Jesus by giving Him the same kind of attention.  Sunday was our scheduled date time.  I would dress to honor my Bridegroom and would anticipate spending time with Him in song and fellowship and just adoring Him for who He is and drinking in His word.  My Sunday dates with Christ weren’t like other days where I laid all my problems in His lap and discussed with Him how to change this or that in my life, or petitioned Him on behalf of others, or dissected the treasures in His Word.  Our date day was one to just find joy in our love.  But, this past Sunday I realized the love in my preparation was merely a habit of days passing one into another.  As stated in Revelation I was still doing the good thing, but with no heart behind it.  I started pondering other things in my relationship with the Lord and found some to still hold the loving attitude of a bride, and sadly others, like this, one that did not.

How about you?  When was the last time you thought of the Lord as your bridegroom?  Do you remember the last time when you were so in love with His character that you thought your emotions would burst out of your skin?  Do you rush to meet Him every morning with delight and are saddened when your prayer time is cut short?   Does His Word elate you with its wisdom and practicality?  Do you look forward to going to church the same way you anticipate a night out?  Is your heart happy in serving Him?

Longevity in our betrothal is much like the years passing in a marriage.  We can lapse imperceptibly into a routine that eclipses the passion of the relationship.  It is not intentional.  There are no bells, or alarms to alert us.  There is simply a compromise here, a deliberate looking the other way, a yawn with the known, a preoccupation with something else, and before you know it that which was once special is now ho-hum.

Take time to think about your relationship with Christ.  Don’t lie to yourself.  Is the way you were the way you are now?   Have moral or ethical compromises, ever so slightly, eroded your standards?  Have the things that were once “no big deal” grown into “how did I get here”?  Have preoccupations with other loves dulled your affection for God?  Have everyday duties pushed Him into an unobtrusive corner where he can be ignored?

If you are honest with yourself and find yourself drifting into a loss of love or are already soundly there, then do as your Bridegroom instructs.  “Remember therefore from where you have fallen and repent and do the deeds you did at first (Rev. 2:5). Go back in your mind to when you were passionate for the Lord.  Repent of the things that got in the way, distracted you, or took the number one spot in your heart away from Him.  Go back to doing the things for Him in the way you did them when your heart was first full of love for Him.  Remember love is not an emotion, it is a choice.  That is why He tells us to love Him with all our heart, soul, and mind.   Choose to be crazy in love with your eternal Bridegroom!

As God pleases, dispose the day © 2010  is an electronic devotional by D. A.  Brewer.   All Bible quotations are from the New American Standard Version, © 1993 Lockman Foundation and used by permission.  The title “As God pleases, dispose the day” is a quote from Henry V by William Shakespeare.