Once again our friend Pastor Joe shares some words of wisdom, and  a timely reminder for parents regarding the topic of  biblical discipline. As a Dad himself, he speaks from personal application and understanding the struggles every parent  deals with at one time or another. Hope his words will serve as both encouragement and where needed admonishment. Do not grow weary in your well doing Dad & Mom  … in due season.

Blessings,
Anne Marie

Rare is the person that likes to be disciplined.  Rare is the person that likes to discipline.  Yet discipline is necessary for growth and development.  What we recognize and accept in all other areas of our lives, we often struggle with as parents.  We accept the discipline of a coach knowing that his intention is to help the athlete perform better. We accept the discipline in academics knowing that the teachers’ intention is to help us master the required material.  Should we be surprise that even God uses discipline to help his followers grow and develop?  Why then is discipline in parenting such a problem for followers of Christ today?

The Biblical concept of “discipline” is more than just the correction that we often think of.  The apostle Paul gives us a glimpse of the Biblical meaning of discipline in Bible times in a passage on how the Scriptures help us grow.  “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” (2 Timothy 3:16) The first truth we must grasp is that discipline is a process.  That is what is communicated in the last phrase “training in righteousness.”  Originally the word used here was synonymous with child training, and specifically used in the time of Paul to describe chastisement.  The context of the passage however reveals that Paul is using this term to describe the ongoing process of discipline that produces growth.  It is in the previous three phrases of this verse that Paul reveals the process.

The first step in the process is “teaching.”  Biblical discipline involves the instruction of what is right and what is wrong.  This is important for a parent to remember that proper instruction precedes right behavior.  All too often our frustration with our child’s behavior problems is because we have not taken the time to teach them.  Let’s remember our kids are not mind readers!  And just as it takes us several times to “get it” the same is true with our child.  One of the best ways to “teach” your children is by giving them the moral reason why.  It is also very helpful to save the “teaching moment” for a time of non-conflict when tempers are cooled and attitudes are teachable.

The next step is the one that is often avoided.  It is the need to “rebuke” wrong.  Just as the Scriptures challenge our misbehavior and wrong beliefs so must the parent.  The term for rebuke speaks of exposing sin, sinful behavior and sinful attitudes.  This step reminds parents that we cannot ignore wrong behavior and attitudes in our children. Often a child will reveal the attitude of their heart with a “puchy” bottom lip, crossed arms, rolling of the eyes, or even sighs of frustration.  A wise parent will address these issues with the appropriate form of correction.  Correction could involve a word of admonition, related consequences (i.e. loss of a privilege), time spent in their room as a warning to change their attitude before they disobey, or even chastisement.  The focus here is not on punishing wrong behavior, but correction with the goal of helping the child get back on track.

The last step in the discipline process is that of “correcting.”  The word literally means “setting up straight again.”  If instruction provides the standard, rebuking addresses the wrong then correction helps get the child back on the right track.  In the parenting process, correction includes repentance, forgiveness and restoration.  This is the place where there is prayer, communication of a parent’s love with a hug, even a brief word of instruction on what is expected and possible restoration of relationships (i.e. asking forgiveness of a wronged sibling) and if necessary restitution.

The Bible reminds us, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

-Pastor Joe Parkinson

Whether a couple actually has a child with ‘special needs’, we all at one time or another have stressful situations arise that can challenge our marriage relationship. Gary & I have known the Linder’s since the late 1980’s and have watched them, close up as with their daughter Kristie and then from a distance with their two sons. Below is a portion of their story as it relates to marriage. We hope you will be encouraged by their testimony.

Blessings,

Gary & Anne Marie

My husband Mike and I have had three children.  Our daughter Kristie died at age three, our son Brad was born with the same muscle condition as Kristie and has survived many surgeries and lots of “close calls.”  And it hasn’t always been a piece of cake with our so-called “typical”son either!  Yes, we like you, have had our share of amazing parenting times!

And what happens to the blissful couple, who just before the kids arrived, were head-over-heals in love with each other? What happens when reality sets in, especially when it comes to difficult parenting times?  I haven’t found any real reliable source for statistics, but the figure that keeps coming up on Google articles is that the divorce rate for couples who have kids with special issues is about 80 percent.

Mike and I found ourselves at a coffee shop recently (a sign that our kids are growing up and life is not quite as intense as previous years), and decided to write down some thoughts about how we have survived marriage—having come out a bit exhausted, but hanging in there, stronger in our faith, and—believe it or not—still in love after 29 ½ years .

These are little tidbits, and obviously marriage is a lot more complicated than tidbits.  But on the other hand, sometimes simple gestures of kindness and respect can reverse strongholds.  Some of these things we have learned the hard way, and most (really all), we are still working on!

Mike:  Work with what you have been handed. For our family, for example, sledding looked different. Brad wasn’t able to balance on a sled when he was little, so we discovered that he could “sled” with the best of them inside a recycling bin (a kind of plastic box that slides very nicely on snow).   There’s usually a way to make things work, even for kids with limitations.

Once we learned that orthopedic appointments entailed waiting 2 to 4 hours to see the doctor, we would come equipped with plenty of snacks and games. The waiting room became a party room and the scene where the new world’s champion was crowned for winning the most rounds of Crazy Eights.

Critical care units brought us together with others who we could minister to when they also needed it most.

When we have had to travel for surgery, getting there a couple days early makes room for time at the zoo, or the beach, or the historic district, etc.  We were fortunate to have a surgeon in San Diego.  There’s nothing like getting drenched with water by a killer whale at Sea World the day before surgery is scheduled to forget about your troubles.

Today is the life God has given you. Make it the best it can be. If you do that as a couple you can make good memories together to go along with some you would just as soon forget, and you discover with Paul that “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Phil 4:13)

Bev: Don’t compare your spouse, your kids, or your life to anyone else. Don’t think that the “good life” is somewhere else.  It’s a lie to believe that.  Embrace the family and the life that God has given you and in the end you just might find that you have a greater treasure than most people have experienced. The Apostle Paul said, “I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I find myself.” (Philippians 4:11)  Don’t miss out on the “good life.”  It’s right where you are!

Mike:  I am energized watching the flawless teamwork of a double play that gets a pitcher who is in trouble off the hook and out of a difficult inning. (As long as it is my team that turned the double play). We can bring some needed teamwork to our home and help to get our wife out of a tough time.

When you come home, if you pick up a large part of the load she carries when you are away, it can make what is too much for one, do-able. That might mean taking charge of night time routines. For me, cooking dinner would be a curse rather than a blessing, but I am an expert at getting the most dishes into a dish washer.  If you are off on Saturday, it can be a good time to take charge of the house and suggest your wife do what she wants with no rush and no one to take care of. Ecclesiastes 4:9 so greatly applies to the couple raising a child with harder-than-average challenges: “Two are better than one…if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.”

Bev: Make your home a happy place. Women can set the mood, the tone of the entire household.  Cook special meals for your family, decorate the home to be a warm and inviting place, and most of all show forth a contented spirit.  Oh, the power of a smile coming from the lady of the house! Make your home an inviting place for your husband to come home to. It will wash away much of the stress and anxiety of his life to arrive home to a happy atmosphere.  “A cheerful heart has a continual feast.”

(Proverbs 15:15)  What about when one of your children has what seems to be continual needs and stressful situations?  All the more reason to make your home a refuge in as many ways as you are able.

Mike: Be a source of joy in your home. There have been times we have survived in spite of me not doing this, but it sure made it harder.  I am working on having a joyful spirit because the stress of our life situation has tended to produce in me a “heavy” spirit.

In my marriage I have observed my wife doing ok with the challenges of the needs in our home and living above the storm, until I show up down in the dumps. It’s possible for everyone to go under when one person isn’t doing his part.

I am talking over with God the state of joy in my life on a regular basis lately and reminding Him and myself that I want Him to be in charge of my demeanor.  It’s a wonderful thing when I can come through the door and have a spirit of enthusiasm that helps everyone else to look on the bright side of life.

Bev: Don’t let the stress make you unkind to each other. How about a real recent example…like today… This week my son Brad has had a bad cold and we were pleased how well he handled it all week. Because of his weakness, he usually ends up in respiratory distress.  Today, the congestion finally got the better of him.  His oxygen was in the 70’s (supposed to be in the 90’s) as he tried to get rid of the last of the congestion.

I called my husband at work because he has been paying monthly to have some oxygen tanks around “just in case.”  Good idea.  But one problem.  The regulator that enables the oxygen to flow out of the tank was not with the tanks (meanwhile, Brad is not getting enough oxygen–stressful, stressful!)  So I rather accusingly said to my husband on the phone, “A lot of good it does to have oxygen tanks with no regulator!” And God’s Spirit within me reminded me to “chill out” and say no more. A stressful moment is not the time to “communicate.” Proverbs says, “how delightful is a timely word!” (15:23)

You know, I’ve always thought that Joyce Meyer’s book, Me and My Big Mouth should have been written by me!   But the good news is God is making me more careful, more kind, and a better wife, by His grace, as time goes by.  So even if you happen to have a “big mouth” like I do, seek God’s power to change you.  He will!  (By the way, we got everything worked out and Brad is doing just fine )

Do you notice that the changes in my husband and me have taken time? Be committed to your spouse while God works in him or her.  That commitment is the glue that will hold your family together, and I believe that you will eventually see the “good life” become a reality in your home, not as defined by the world, but in an even better way!

Mike and Bev Linder

www.special-heart.com

A while back, I hoped in the car and backed out of our driveway.  It was then that I noticed that the car was just not responding right.  It seemed to be a little sluggish.  It took a few moments to notice that the dash, “brake”, light was lit before I realized that the parking break had been set!  Now, if the parking brake had been set hard, I would have noticed it right away because the vehicle would be unable to move.

The same thing can happen in our spiritual lives.  Reading through the book of Hebrews I was reminded of several obstacles to living for God that confront mature believers and what we can do to stay on track.

Stay Careful for Holiness.  The writer of Hebrews challenges us to avoid being careless with sin.  “If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth” Hebrews 10:26 NIV The longer that you are a Christian, the easier it is to become carelessness with sin.  I am talking about the little sins, like compromises in our though life or the use of our tongue.  Yet, sin is sin.  The context of this passage reminds us that not only does it bring God’s correction (and here) but it also dulls our desire for Godly living.  It is our focus on ourselves that draws us away from God.  The other side effect is that it damages our relationships with others.  King David, as a young man, realized that getting God’s truth into his mind would help him to stay focused on Godly living.  Why not make it a goal this year to memorize at least one Bible verse a month?  You will be pleasantly surprised how God uses those verses to keep you on track.

Stay Consistent with Spiritual Habits.  One of the greatest struggles as we age in Christ is to let off the gas and begin to cruise.  We let the spiritual habits of Bible reading, prayer, small group and church attendance slip.  Many times our familiarity with the message and practices of the Christian life can lead to laziness.  The end result is we stop maturing spiritually and the ministry of Jesus through us to our family, our community and our church slows to a trickle.  One good reason to be diligent is because others are depending on us!  The solution is to be doggedly persistent with our spiritual practices. Why not make your devotional time with God the first thing you do each day?

Stay Excited about Ministry.  The writer of Hebrews also identifies the dangers of weariness and discouragement.  No doubt about it, the Christian life and ministry are hard.  Getting everyone ready for Church on a Sunday morning can seem like raising the dead, let alone finding time to get there early and serve others.  The challenges of working with other fallen individuals can quickly rob one of the joys of serving.  The lack of resources both financial and people can often push us to the edge of physical and emotional exhaustion.  The solution is not to quit, but to keep our focus on Christ and his priorities.  The Bible never promises that Christian service will be easy but it does promise to be rewarding.  We are also reminded that a right focus on Christ will be a source of strength.  Over the years, I have found ministry done with the right focus to be a great energizer in my life!

When is that last time you’ve checked the parking brake in your life.  Maybe it is keeping you back from all the things Christ wants to do through you!

-Pastor Joe Parkinson

Used with permission from the Forever Young blog

What are you celebrating this Memorial Day weekend? I am sure that you will be celebrating a three day weekend. You will probably be celebrating the coming of summer (at least those of us in the Northwest.) What I am wondering, is when I mention Memorial Day do you think of the purpose for this holiday?

Memorial Day, formerly called Decoration Day, dates back to May 30, 1868 when it was enacted to honor Union soldiers that died in the Civil War. The 30th of May was set aside as a time to visit and decorate the grave to honor those that had fallen. “Many people observe this holiday by visiting cemeteries and memorials. A national moment of remembrance takes place at 3 p.m. Eastern Time. Another tradition is to fly the flag of the United States at half-staff from dawn until noon local time. Volunteers often place American flags on each gravesite at National Cemeteries. Many Americans also use Memorial Day to honor other family members who have died.” (www.wikipedia.com, Memorial Day)

It was after World War I that the commemoration was expanded to include all fallen soldiers from any war or military action. The alternative name, Memorial Day, was first used in 1882 and would be more commonly used after World War II. It became the official name by Federal Law in 1967. The Uniform Holiday Bill passed on June 28, 1968 moved Memorial Day (President’s Day and Veterans Day) to a fixed Monday to allow for a three day weekend. Memorial Day has been celebrated on the last Monday of May since the law took effect in 1971.

As we consider the significance of Memorial Day (and several other National Holidays) for the follower of Jesus, it is hard to find a Biblical parallel; however, the Scripture do have much to say about “remembering” the past. In each of the passages that come to mind, we are called to remember God’s provision and deliverance (Deuteronomy 8 and Psalm 106), and even the leaders who have modeled a Godly life (Hebrews 13:7). We also know that all of the Old Testament Feasts served as a reminder of Jehovah’s provision in the past while pointing to a future fulfillment in the coming Messiah. Even the New Testament celebration of the Lord ’s Table (based on the Passover feast) remembers the work of Christ on the Cross while looking forward to His return (1 Corinthians 11:26). And in the seventh verse of Romans 13 the Bible also speaks of the importance for you as a follower of Christ to participate in holidays like Memorial and Veteran days. “”Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.” Romans 13:7

The purpose for this three day weekend is not to celebrate the beginning of summer, or even a time to get away, but to remember those whom have given their lives for our great country. You can honor those whom have given their lives by offering a prayer of thanks at one of your family meal times. It would be appropriate to send an email to a military widow(er), or parent, thanking them for the sacrifice of their spouse/ child. It would be even better to take a family field trip Monday to visit a local veterans’ cemetery. Memorial Day is a time to remember those that have given their lives for our country.

-Pastor Joe Parkinson