In the first year of my daughter’s life I had numerous questions, and the most challenging ones were all the many transitions we went through with eating and sleeping times. The first few months of feedings were alot about learning the cries of our daughter and evaluating her needs. We had learned about parent directed feeding in theory but there was definitely a learning curve. Most days it felt a little like a guessing game that I got just a little better at some days. It was when she was able to get on a 4 hour routine we really were able to relax and enjoy the consistency in our new family’s life.( For a more detailed explanation of Parent directed feeding please see Babywise or Along the Infant Way.)

Here’s an overview of the first feedings and an example of what the 4 hour routine looks like for our family.

Babies who are on a parent directed feeding routine begin life by taking a feeding every 2 and 1/2 to 3 hours, by the time they are 4-6 months moving to a 3 to 4 hour routine. Between 4-6 months rice cereal should be introduced once a day in addition to the liquid feedings.

Soon after baby foods are introduced, a new one every 3 days to watch for food allergies. It’s common for babies to take many weeks to learn how to take food into their mouth. Take your time and be patient.

Your goal should be to get your baby on an approximate four hour routine, again this takes time.

Here’s an example of how this worked for our family. These times are approximate within a half hour.

8:00am Bottle / Nurse
8:30am Rice cereal mixed with breast milk, Fruit baby food
10:00am Nap
12:00pm Bottle / Nurse
12:30pm Vegetable baby food, Fruit baby food
2:00pm Nap
4:00pm Bottle / Nurse
6:00pm Vegetable baby food, Rice cereal
Introduce solid finger foods while Mom and Dad eat dinner
7:45pm Bottle / Nurse
8:00pm Sleep for the night

Until your baby is a year breast milk or formula feedings are a must. Remember your baby has learned new physical skills by this time and will be needing the additional calories. Snacks are optional however we found them unnecessary until liquid feedings were eliminated at a year and our daughter was walking therefore requiring more calories.

My next post will cover transitioning baby from baby foods to solids.

Father’s Day is upon us and I wanted to recommend a good book for Dads that would help you know what you need to teach your children. I wanted a book that was practical and Biblical; one written by a Dad who could speak from the experience of having raised his children and sees how they need to live their lives for Christ. I wanted a book that would give us wise words and counsel from the heart of a father on specific topics and situations to help us teach our sons and daughters. I found just the book! It is the book of Proverbs. In flipping through the marked-up pages in my bible, I was reminded of the many times Solomon wrote these words: “Listen my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.” (1:8) “My son, accept my words and store up my commands within you.” (2:1). “My son, do not forget my teaching but keep my commands in your heart for they will prolong your life.” (3:1) “Listen, my son, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding.” (4:1) “My son, pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to my words if insight.” (5:1)

Solomon had a lot to say to his son on how to live. Dads, do you have a lot to say to your children on how they should live? Do you see areas in your sons and daughters lives that you know you need to speak life into? Do you find the time like Solomon did to sit them down and teach them on how they should live, about the blessing if they follow your instruction and the trouble that they will find if they don’t? A second thing that jumped out at me in this book is how many times you see Solomon say to his children, “LISTEN”!  When you have something to say to your children, do you have their attention, their undivided attention? Are they too busy playing or thinking about other things that stop them from truly hearing you?  If you are going to give your energy to speaking to them, make sure they are listening, not only hearing, but understanding what they are hearing so they can apply what you are saying to their lives. You may want to use everyday teaching aids and tools around your children like Solomon did. If it doesn’t seem like your child is paying enough attention to you, try going back to your GKGW manual and read through the Father’s Mandate and see what you could work on. I recommend you re-read the book of instruction written by Solomon to parents and look for what he says you need to be teaching your children. Happy Father’s Day Dads!

Visit Joey and Carla Link’s web site at: MomsNotes.com

Our son Brayden recently turned three. Before he did, I of course read On Becoming Childwise. While I was reading it, one section really jumped out to me for him. It was the section about providing the “why” of your moral training to your child (starting on page 79). I especially like the thoughts about teaching your child we do things because that shows love.

The Golden Rule. Treat others how you would want to be treated. My minor in college was speech communications. Through those studies, I learned of another rule: the platinum rule. This rule states that you treat others how they want to be treated. This is an excellent way of treating people. Anyone who is married can attest to the fact that two people do not want the same response in every situation. In most cases, for me to treat my husband would want me to treat him is far different from how I would want to be treated.

That is a tangent and above the analytical skills of a three year old. Back to the Golden Rule. I had already introduced this rule to my son. My son can probably be best described as dutiful. I have to be careful of what I tell him because he carries out my instructions as well as he can. He also has a rather large capacity for sympathy and empathy for others. Despite these qualities, we were still having troubles with sharing with his little sister. I don’t want to discredit him. By troubles I mean that I often found myself reminding him that he needed to share. He would then do so. Things were slowly progressing, but I found myself repeating my instructions to him every couple of days. I wanted him to naturally share.

I attempted to reach this goal by saying, “Brayden, do you like it when Kaitlyn shares her toys with you?” He would always respond, “Yes.” Then I would tell him that he needed to share with her so she would want to share with him. He would then hand her a toy. Sometimes I would follow it up with, “Doesn’t that make you feel good to share!” He would kind of nod.

I doubt it really did make him feel good to share because he wasn’t sharing for the right reasons. I was attempting to use the Golden Rule, but I was missing the mark. After reading through Childwise, I came to realize I was trying to motivate him to share by putting forth selfish reasons. I thought those reasons would appeal to a 2.5 year old. Ultimately, I don’t want him to share only to get something in return. I want him to share even if he gets nothing back. I want him to do nice things for others not for the physical reward or the many thanks received, but because it does make him feel good inside. Because being kind and serving others shows our love for others, as well as for the Lord. How was I going to get there?

I got there by emphasizing the love part of it. I read Childwise on a plane while my husband and I took a vacation without the kids. When we got home, I was very excited to put this new idea into practice. The next time Brayden was hesitant to share, I changed my approach. I asked, “Brayden, do you know why we share with Kaitlyn? We share with her because that shows her that we love her. When you share with Kaitlyn, she knows you love her.” That is all I said. I didn’t further lecture and insist that he share. He thought about that for a minute. He then chose a toy and shared with her.

I soon found that I wasn’t repeating myself to share like I had been. Just like that, he began sharing. Yes, we do have our days I remind him the reasons we share, but instead of being every couple of days, it is every couple of weeks. Vast improvement. Soon after I had introduced this new idea to Brayden, we went out to dinner as a family. The waitress brought Brayden an ice cream cone at the end of the meal. He was enjoying it and was soon sharing licks with me and with Kaitlyn. He wasn’t, however, offering any to his Daddy. I quietly whispered to Brayden that he could share some with his Daddy too. He responded that he didn’t want to. Instead of lecturing him that he wasn’t being nice and that if he couldn’t share I would take the cone away, I simply said, “If you were to share a lick with Daddy, that would show him how much you love him.” I left it at that. He was soon passing his Daddy his ice cream cone to share.

Children are loving. They want to be good. They want to show their love. When we put faith into the innate pureness and goodness of children, and show them how they can express that, they far exceed our expectations. Of course they need reminding and further training, but they can do it. They have pure, willing hearts. They aren’t born knowing what is appropriate and how to express different emotions (and what is appropriate varies from family to family and culture to culture), but as we train them, they will likely surprise us on how willing they are to learn, and how quickly they respond to the correct method of training for them.

http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/

“Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.” Ephesians 4:29 The Message

For me, one of the most valuable lessons from Gary and Anne Mare is the principle of “Speaking Life”. For those who aren’t familiar with this concept, here’s a brief overview.

As often as possible, when bringing correction to your child elevate the virtue that is lacking rather than emphasizing the vice that is present. 

When our hearts are consistently verbally guided to God’s goodness and love, we begin to be filled with an appetite for good behaviors. On the contrary when we are solely instructed against wrong behaviors it becomes discouraging and redefines goodness. This process of “speaking life” may be challenging at first if you are not accustomed to it however I have become convinced of the value not only in parenting but also in life.

“Restraining waywardness must be accompanied by instruction in righteousness and by encouragement in virtuous living” Growing Kids God’s Way page 22

It requires me to think of the virtue in situations and then teach to it. I have to admit this is difficult work for me.

Here’s some practical thoughts
Instead of “That was dumb” say “That was unwise”

Instead of “Don’t hit, that’s mean” say “That’s not loving, use gentle hands”

Instead of “Don’t be rude, answer grandma” use “Look at Grandma’s eyes and pay attention”

I have seen in myself and many in current culture a tendency to use language out of habit that is not full of life.

One example that I have frequently experienced and maybe you’ve heard as well even among Christ followers is the saying “I’m gonna beat them” uttered in moments of frustration. Of course these parents never mean that they are actually going to abuse their child, however our children’s impressionable ears are always listening.

Jesus teaches us in Matthew 12:35 “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks”. I am praying for my heart to be overflowing with God’s love and grace and thus my instructional words to reflect my heart changed by God.

You know the story of Alexander the Great who after conquering the whole known world wept because there was no more world to conquer. And, you remember the answer Rockefeller gave when asked how much money is enough. He replied a little more than I have. Being the ruler of the whole world or being one of the richest men in the world was not enough. They were not satisfied.

Americans are much the same. We belong to a prosperous, strong nation with great opportunity for wealth, position, entertainment, and privilege, yet we have the most divorces, suicides, therapists, mental hospitals, crime, and juvenile delinquency. We multiply, we increase, we have absolutely everything and still Americans are troubled and unsatisfied.

Recently I heard Ravi Zacharias give a rendering of the story written in the twelfth chapter of Mark. The Pharisees, in order to trap Jesus had asked Him if it was lawful to pay a poll-tax. Jesus showed them a denarius and asked them whose inscription was on it? When they replied Caesars, Jesus told them to “render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s and to God the things that are God’s”. Sadly, as Ravi Zacharias pointed out, they did not ask the next logical question and that was “Then what belongs to God”? If the poll-tax was due to Caesar because his image was on it, then, since we bear the image of God (Genesis 1:26), do we not belong to Him? We are made in God’s image, so nothing short of God will satisfy us. We can seek satisfaction in our jobs, in amassing wealth or possessions, in our families, even in Christian service, but nothing short of God will satisfy us.

Too many believers live their lives with God as part of their lives, instead of living as an integral part of God’s world. How would an artist feel if he painted a beautiful landscape as a special present to adorn the house of one whom he deeply loved, only to visit one day and find the canvas being used as a placemat instead of art. There it lay on the table under a smear of spaghetti splattered there by the beloved persons’ two year old child? How could he not be hurt? He created the painting. He loved his work and now its beauty is marred and the person he so lovingly made it for did not find value in the creation.

God created us in His image. One who creates can not help but love that which he created out of love. Can you picture God stepping back after creating man and with a contented smile saying “very good”, this human creation is not just good, but “very good”! He admires, He adores, He fellowships with His masterpiece until sin enters and mars that which was very good. So God who loved what He made sent His Son to redeem that which He created, not only saving those who believe in Him from death, but enabling them to be conformed back into the image in which they were created (Romans 8:29).

Mankind will never be satisfied apart from God, no matter in what avenue they seek fulfillment. Their soul will always crave its created image. Once man has received Christ, they too will find satisfaction eludes them if they live a life apart from their Creator. Too many believers pretend their lives are fine, working, raising their families, going to church, doing Christian service, yet when alone they still feel unsatisfied, as if something is missing. They are living what A.W. Tozer calls an “add on God” life. They have their minds set on things in this world, multiplying things, and increasing things and perfecting things; putting their confidence in things and God. They are putting “God as a plus sign after something else”. They have a good job, a good income and God. They have a good home, a good family and God. They have ambition for the future, creativity for a project and God. God is the Creator of this vast universe. How can we try to make Him merely a part of it? It would be like telling an artist that he isn’t the painter creating a masterpiece on canvas, he is just the paint on the canvas; beautiful in its designated spot, but not in control of the entire work of art.

How do you know if you have become an “add on God” Christian? Ask yourself, “do you want God more than anything else in the World”? If everything else was taken away from you and God is all that was left, would that be enough? Can you say as Colossians 3:3 says; my life is hidden with Christ in God, not that He is hidden somewhere in the world that you’ve created for yourself? Can you pray as Lady Julian of Norwich did; “God give me thyself, for nothing less than thee will do.”

As God pleases, dispose the day © 2008 is an electronic devotional by D. A. Brewer. All Bible quotations are from the New American Standard Version, © 1993 Lockman Foundation and used by permission. Quotes taken from “The Attributes of God” by A.W. Tozer. The title “As God pleases, dispose the day” is a quote from Henry V by William Shakespeare.