“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up…A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NIV

“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Proverbs 27:17 NLT

God’s Word repeatedly teaches us the value of true friendships and community, however I have noticed a theme in current parenting “pop culture” articles, one that pervades all humanity, but is especially difficult for Mommies. Competition. Seems we are all so desperate for one another’s approval we’ll do anything to get noticed, especially look down our noses on other Mommies.

You may have noticed that everyone deals with this differently. Some of our friends are amazing, they lend an ear and give wonderful unassuming advice. However, some Mommies become defensive and aren’t able to hold conversations about anything related to children. When I have experienced this it has made me sad that I don’t feel we are able to “sharpen” one another.

As Christ following Mommies working hard to daily train the next generation, one thing I know for certain, we need each other! Life is essentially about relationships, first with Jesus and then with others. Let’s put all the competitiveness aside and help one another.

The first step to supporting one another is beginning to truly love one another. Jesus teaches us “Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” John 13:35 When we know our friendships are based on Jesus love that helps us to relax and open up.

God has blessed me with all sorts of friends from varied walks of life. In my experience we need to have at least these 3 kinds of Mommy friends. Of course, all should be like minded to you and your parenting goals.

First you need a Mommy friend who is in the same life situation as you, similar age and number of children. This is your friend who sees you really doing life, and then makes the effort to tell you how awesome you are as a Mommy (even though she’s seen your less than pretty side too). She’s your sounding board, because you’re doing it all at the same time period you support each other during the difficult times. God was pretty cool to me when my next door neighbor had a baby girl just 4 weeks before me, and then to develop our friendship during our maternity leave that has become the most amazing encouragement.

Second you need a Mentor Mommy, someone who is a step or two ahead of you in life both spiritually and as a Mom. Ideally someone with more children than you, and who are older than yours. She’s your primary go to for the hard questions. This friend in my life has 5 children ages ranging 10 yrs to 1 yr old. The sweet part about her family is she has children of all temperaments and she has seen it all so nothing is a new problem to her.

Last you need a Mommy to mentor, one that is just a little behind you in life situation and with younger children. This relationship must be brought to you by God or they may not be receiving of advice. In my life this sweet friend has been so good to me. She makes me feel like I am the most amazing Mom, even though I always think I’ve given such simple ideas to her. In the same way I appreciate my Mentor, God has been able to use me to minister to another Mommy.

All of my Mom friends have either taken the GFI classes with or met through the local GFI community, and the love they have shown me truly lets me know they are following Christ in their parenting. Mommies everywhere, let’s unite to worship God in our friendships and parenting!

Lack of self-control is what two year olds are famous for. Commonly called the terrible twos, I really had no idea during the extra sweet baby time period what could possibly be so bad. Of course around 18 months we saw the beginning and now at 2 and half we routinely are working on impulse control. Many have even told me that three’s are even worse!

I think I was under the impression at some point that taking parenting classes would make my child instantly well-behaved. Its my choleric personality that drives me slightly crazy. SO what’s a Mommy to do?

What I have now come to understand (and accept!) is that the tools I learned in GKGW are to be practiced for long time periods before results are routine for children. Here’s the positive side-you will see results at some point if you are consistent in your training. Remember, begin as you mean to go.

Self-control training has been a three fold process for us. First we train in times of non-conflict by practicing “Sit time” where she sits quietly for two minutes with hands and feet crossed, ideally looking at her hands. This is practice for times when sitting still is necessary but also it has become a point of reference, essentially so she understands what we are looking for when we ask her to “fold her hands and get self-control” in public. This practice can be started in small increments of 30 seconds with a digital timer, and work up slowly.

Now I have to admit “sit time” when first explained to me sounded both impossible for a 2 yr old to do, and a little like torture (that’s the sanguine me). But I tried it anyway and have found the practice to be rewarding in real life. Be flexible and know that this is not a punishment but rather a happy mommy training time. Some days don’t go as well as others and that’s OK. Think, that wedding ceremony your child needs to sit through quietly. Or that family birthday dinner that’s gone a little too long.

Second, there are times I am able to anticipate an emotional outburst and shorten or stop it by asking her to get self-control. If I catch it fast enough she can occasionally reel herself back in. This practice helps children to recognize themselves losing control of their emotions but catch it and see how an alternative response is praised by Mom and Dad.

Third, there are the uncontrollable meltdowns we have come to know and love, and/or defiance and refusal to obey. These call for removal of my child from the situation, and isolation. Commonly called a “time-out” by popular culture we use these to help a child to release their emotions and then practice gaining self-control on their own.

Babies can be placed in a crib or playpen without play items, and a timer set for a short time period. Verbal instruction on the expectation to calm down and get self-control is given on the way to isolation. When the timer rings check on the child, possibly console and discuss why the isolation happened. If the child has not gained self-control or refuses to do so, another round may be needed.

Older children can be isolated to a designated spot in the home away from the family, and instructed that they can return to the family when they are “happy”. Apology and love are also required to whomever the emotional outburst was directed.

Finally, lots of love and praise for catching my daughter when she exhibits out of the ordinary self-control has been particularly rewarding for our family. Happy training Mommies everywhere!

When our daughter was small and we had unresolved night awakenings I would ask our local contact Mom for her magical solutions. Her first response was always “How’s your couch time?” BTW this is a common response from all GFI alumni, be prepared….

Ok I’ve Gotta admit when our baby was an infant I found this question pretty annoying, I mean really she doesn’t know when we’re doing “couch time”, right?

Here’s a refresher on the “Couch time” idea, if you need it.

Once we have kids its our natural tendency to place all our free time and affection upon them. They are just so crazy cute! And we’ve all done the work to get them asleep at a a reasonable hour so we’ll catch up with our spouse then. Hmmmm…..

Actually, babies and children need a structured time during their day when they see Mom and Dad lovingly communicating and not focusing all their attention on baby. It provides a sense of security on their world which mostly consists of YOU and Your spouse. (If you haven’t taken GKGW I highly recommend this lesson by Gary Ezzo, it was moving for me.)

Here’s the how-to. We put our daughter on a blanket near us with a toy or a book. We tell her Mommy and Daddy are going to do couch time and she must play quietly on the blanket until the bell (kitchen timer) goes off. We started with a couple of minutes and have worked up to 10-15 minutes (depends on if we really have that much to discuss). There have been a few couch times that were short because of her wailing so loudly we couldn’t really hear each other. However, we continued to make it part of our evening routine and she now has come to accept it and even enjoy it!

Guideline: this is not the time to discuss heated subjects. As a matter of fact there are days we know that this excersise almost feels like a show to us but one we lovingly do because we have now seen results of the security it has provided our daughter.

So we work on our couch time, and I’ll admit being married to a pastor and working part-time myself some days it just doesn’t happen. But here is what I have noticed over the past few months. If we miss one night its cool. If we miss two nights its iffy-she may wake up at her favorite “Mommy hold me” time, 3am. If we miss three night its definite-I will see her at 3am, might as well set my alarm.

Needless to say, couch time is really important to me too. Side note: my love language is “quality time” so gazing into my husband’s eyes as we “talk” about our day isn’t so bad for me.

Related post - Ask GFI: Couch Time

One of the most fun times was introducing our daughter to the amazing tastes of food! What funny faces and great pictures! It can be challenging for some babies to make the transition so here are a few guidelines to get you started.

Once baby has overcome the initial time period of tongue thrusting and has learned how to take in rice cereal and baby food well, it’s time to start introducing solid foods.

When you first put your baby in the high chair begin training “High Chair Manners” by teaching your baby to keep his hands either under or down on the tray while Mommy feeds baby. Physically hold baby’s hands in this position until you baby understands the expectations and starts to do on their own. This is one of the first steps in teaching self-control and you will find this practice rewarding in the long run!

The highchair is also a great place to begin teaching sign language. Teach “Please” first. When your baby indicates he would like something say the word please and take his little hand and slide it across his chest a couple times. This takes many months but persevere and the results will be a wonderful help to your family. Other signs to work on once “Please” has been accomplished are “More”, “All Done”, “Down please”, “Thank you”. For a complete list of signs and diagrams see Babywise II.

My previous post discussed example timing of how to work your baby’s eating to your times. Until the age of one a liquid feeding should precede a meal.

Many Mommies choose to wean during the time period between 9-12 months, and begin formula. In our busy lives today its common for breast milk’s supply to decrease and therefore the need to wean to a bottle. Remember to be careful how much formula you give in comparison to a diminished milk supply. If  given too much baby may not show interest in eating the new food’s. Slowly decrease the amount of formula a little bit. Babies and children have a perfect internal mechanism that lets them know when to stop eating both liquid and solids. Another option is to give half of the bottle feeding prior to a meal and then offer the second half after. If refused then you know they have a had enough.

At each meal continue to feed baby food first with “little hands down”. Then soft finger foods can be placed on the tray with instruction given that baby may now pick up the food. Parents may enjoy dinner while baby is working on the finger foods.

Ideas include bananas, soft cooked veggies and fruits, cereals. While whole milk is not to be given until one year old Yogurt may be introduced at 9 months. Between 9-12 months most babies tire of baby food and are more interested in what is on your plate. We cooked our daughter’s food without seasoning initially to ease her into our family’s favorite foods. You can introduce all your family favorites mashed and cut small. Of course watch for choking concerns.

I took advantage of this time period to do some research on new healthy and nutritious ideas for our family. I have changed and added many foods since the addition of our daughter to our family.

This transition is a slow but very fun process, hope these tips are helpful and happy eating!

On Sunday, a couple working as tentmaker type missionaries in the United Arab Emirates remarked that there is no political correctness there regarding religion. They do not separate church and state and thus do not expect a Christian to do so either. If you are a Christian, why wouldn’t you celebrate Christmas? What you believe is part of who you are and there is no pressure to hide who you are in the society or the work place. Therefore this couple live openly as believers modeling Christ in their lives and sharing their beliefs with their neighbors and co-workers. The only thing the Muslims object to is the word “convert”. So avoiding that word, this couple live freely as Christians in a Muslim world.

In the United States under the guise of freedom, all other religions are tolerated and encouraged, while Christianity is being legally bound into hiding. Is this the reason so many Christians here, live dual lives; being spiritual at Church or in their homes but living secularly in schools, work and in society? Can we blame spiritual mediocrity on our government or is the problem an internal one?

John Ortberg refers to this condition in believers as “compartmentalizing” their lives. He uses a pie chart to illustrate the division of a Christian’s life. There are sections for work, play, family, friends, hobbies, etcetera, and a slice for spiritual things. Many Christians are especially proud if that slice of spiritual pie has a larger percentage of space than those allocated for other areas. However the point John Ortberg is making with the pie chart is that we, as Christians should not make division within ourselves. Every aspect of our lives should be Spirit filled and led. To separate our beliefs from other areas of our lives is to live a double life of opposing ideals; which the scripture refers to as serving two masters (Matthew 6:24).

When I was first married, my husband would be sent on these long field problems or deployments overseas for the Army. While he was absent I was in complete control. I raised and schooled our daughter, handled the finances, dealt with problems, managed our home and worked. During the first week of one deployment, I had to deal with a dead battery in our vehicle, a mailbox that was run over by a drunk, and a front lawn that went “squish” like a sponge due to a broken water line. I handled everything quickly and efficiently because I had no one else to rely on. I became very good at managing life on my own.

The only problem with those absences earlier on, was that when my husband returned I had difficulty relinquishing authority back to him. It isn’t that I didn’t want him to resume his role as head of the family, I just felt as if he was rescuing me and now that he was back everything would run normally and correctly again. Inside, emotions took hold and thoughts like “everything ran smoothly and efficiently without you, thank you very much!” popped into my head. There were no words of recognition offered for what I had done by myself; no gift of appreciation; no request to catch him up and relinquish control back to him. He was back and I was dismissed. My emotions really chaffed over having to relinquish control to another master when I was capable of doing it on my own.

It didn’t take my husband and I long to adjust our attitudes and learn how to transition better after separations and in fact, now, I am delighted, even eager, to give everything back when he returns, but when John Ortberg was sharing this pie chart illustrating believers attempt to co-rule with Christ, this is the story that came to my mind. It is so difficult to have two masters and even more difficult to give over control to another when you feel you can handle that area fine without assistance. The problem as Christians is when we do maintain control over those areas in which we are capable we continually relegate God to smaller and smaller portions in our lives. And, when God tries to move into areas that we do not want to yield, we fight against him just as I resisted my husband when he returned from field duty early in our marriage. The more we control ourselves the harder it is to yield to God.

When Christ died he freed us from our debt to death and the power of sin to reign in our lives. By faith we are buried with Him in His death and raised to walk in a newness of life. This new life is a Spirit filled, Spirit led, God controlled life (Romans 6:1-14). Through Him we have the freedom to grow more and more into the likeness of Christ. We have the power to overcome sinful habits and live victoriously over our sinful natures which war against us. We have all the blessings of heaven at our disposal. Yet many brothers and sisters in Christ choose to allow sin and self-control to reign in their lives and thus live frustrated and unfulfilled.

As in all things pertaining to the Christian life, our mind-set dictates our actions. The wellsprings of life flow from our heart thoughts. We therefore must not make division within ourselves. We can not live peacefully with a spiritual and secular life co-residing within us. We are new creatures; Spiritual creatures! The old man (self-nature) has been “done away with” (Romans 6:6) which means rendered inoperative. We must fix our minds on this truth and live accordingly.

To try to live our lives our own way and still try to please God reminds me of a teenager in a Bible study I taught a few years back. Every truth of God was countered with her questions of how much, or how far? She wanted to know in every circumstance how far she could go and still be “okay” with God. Her narcissistic search for spiritual fulfillment meant she wanted to live as she pleased but still feel okay spiritually. Our pastor describes it as believers praying for the blessings of God, but really wanting the blessings of this world dressed up in religious jargon. Is it any wonder that our society does not desire Christianity when they witness too many people just like themselves dressed in the pretense of spirituality? They may see religion (or more likely hypocrisy), but what they don’t see is Christ!

When we see other Christians who are spiritually mature and have a witness to others, we long to be like them, yet are we willing to make the choices they made? They aren’t carnal beings disguised in spiritual dressing. They are transformed people yielded to God. Just as repentance is a turning away from the thing you were doing that was wrong, so it is with transformation. We must turn away from the things of this world; the things dictated by our sin nature, and turn to the things of the Lord continually, or as Romans 12:2 puts it, “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”

As God pleases, dispose the day © 2007 is an electronic devotional by D. A. Brewer. All Bible quotations are from the New American Standard Version, © 1993 Lockman Foundation and used by permission. The title “As God pleases, dispose the day” is a quote from Henry V by William Shakespeare. John Ortberg references are from his video series on Spiritual Discipline.