The great debate within me these days is how much to intervene in squabbles between my three older children, ages 14, 13, and 11. Now squabbles is the word that I use to publicly record the incidents that can sometimes be heard through the house. And I’ve noticed certain inflections of the voice and screaming sounds travel quickly to a mother’s ears. Not all squabbles are loud, as sometimes I witness facial gestures in the rearview mirror of the van that I wish I hadn’t. It doesn’t matter what degree of squabble I’m a witness to, I keep thinking about that responsibility monkey, and I have a hard time balancing between putting it on their shoulders and chunking it at them.

On a recent summer day I was feeling a little guilty for spending more time working on a project away from my kids than usual, so when I heard the raised voices mingled with traces of sarcasm and fear, I felt the nudge to go check out the scene unfolding in the kitchen.

Now, admittedly, I make some assumptions about a 14-year-old boy who is a foot taller than either of his sisters, known for his pestering, and a cookie dough connoisseur, like his father. If sister felt like she needed to remove the cookie dough bowl from the counter and move away from him and his hungry spoon, then I’m thinking he might’ve not practiced the principle, “ask before you reach.” Of course, this was sister’s first ever time to make the famous family cookies entirely by herself; including the clean up, I was sure. I admit to empathy for her plight to keep some of the batter for making her goal into a reality. It appears that he reached over her, she protected her bowl, and then he followed her brandishing a spoon!

After making sure the cookie batter was safe, and asking for both sides of the story,  I reminded her she could’ve deferred. In that scenario some batter wasn’t going to make it into cookies, but the bowl was very full and could indeed have been sampled. Then, I looked into the eyes of the boy/man. This is the baby who let me test every Prep and GKGW principle on him until it worked!

“Son, can you not see that she has prepared the cookie dough by herself and has a plan for it? Did you ask in your most precious family-honoring voice for a taste? Isn’t this the sister who shares most easily by nature? You have the spoon in your possession now, do you not think this implicates your chase around the kitchen, and can’t you see that you might possibly be bullying her by your size and sheer determination?”

No, that’s not what I said! However, after a reminder of his tendency to rush in, God red-flagged me and reminded me of the lesson God had been teaching me in the last few weeks…

In summary, no one’s words cut deeper nor lift me up higher than my husband’s. I have been blessed with Mr. Logical, Mr. Compassion and Mr. Romance all in one. And as strong-willed as I’ve ever been, I have the thinnest skin when it comes to his words to me. I really don’t want to admit it, but twice in the last month we have had deep “discussions” over what I thought he said about me, or what it inferred about me, or what I thought he thought about me! I want him to think the best about me, although I know that he loves me and he knows everything about me. After our last “discussion” I was reading an article that quoted one of Steven Covey’s tips, “Seek first to understand and then be understood.” OK, I recognized that:

Proverbs 15:2 (yes, right after the harsh words verse) The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the (self-confident) fool gushes folly.

The word “commends” is translated utters or useth in the KJV and the Amplified and is defined as 1) to put in the care of another, 2: to recommend, 3) to praise. No, that’s not what I do when I run in with my sword drawn ready to fight to be understood first!

Simply put, it’s not enough to learn the verses without actually trying to live them. That’s what I call a red-flag moment with God.  He pops that Truth up all the time because I’m training my children in the same things I am learning!

Back in the kitchen, in a moment of clarity, I reminded brother to consider others and to try to understand them before being understood. Seek knowledge, my son.  I admitted to him this is something I need to work on. Not an hour before he had witnessed me getting defensive over a non-Kingdom issue at the lunch table.  No kidding, I had let my son see that if you feel it’s right and no one will listen, then just move on in and say or do what you think is right in the moment so they will understand your point!  This is a picture of a self-confident fool gushing.

How much should I intervene or how should I intervene? That is the question.

It’s probably never wrong to enter a squabble with a bit of Truth. Not that basic reminders of laundry protocol will not be necessary, but because I know my children have the Spirit in them, I’m thinking He can do His work if I let Him, and stop gushing!

Oh, the wonderful teen years!

Common Questions:

Question One: Does GFI have plans to update Preparation for Parenting in the same format as the new Babyhood Transitions course?

Ans. Yes, it is being targeted for release in late 2009.

Question Two: Why is GFI splitting the Preparation for the Toddler Years into two series instead of keeping it a single curriculum as described in the Spring 2008 Newsletter?

Ans. As mentioned above we believe it is not in the best interest of parents to receive teaching that is not immediately applicable to the developmental age of their child. When considering the toddler years for example, there is an enormous developmental difference between a twelve month and thirty month old child. As a result, a single curriculum spanning a number of growth stages will always have limited benefits because not all the information is immediately relevant. Information that can not be applied because the child is past that developmental point or will not reach that phase for another year is not helpful information. GFI made the decision to divide the curriculums based on these teaching concerns.

Question Three: Will the decision to divide the new curriculums (Preparation for the Toddler Years and The Toddler Years Transitions) delay the release of either course?

Ans. Since most of the taping for the series was completed prior to the decision to split the curriculum, we do not anticipate any significant delays as a result of this change. The original release date was already pushed back several months due to equipment delivery problems outside GFI’s control. We are working to meet the revised dates which are now Late Fall of 2008.

Question Four: What is the status of the new Parenting by Principle series introduced at the 2007 National Conference?

Ans. The new series continues to receive much of our time and attention although at the time of this post we are at least six months behind schedule. Some of that time will be made up in the Fall of 2008 when the other curriculums are completed.

Question Five: Does GFI have plans to drop Growing Kids God’s Way or replace it with a new curriculum?

Ans. No. Growing Kids God’s Way has blessed millions of households and continues as a leading parenting curriculum worldwide. There is no compelling reason, nor any thought given to dropping or changing the curriculum. GFI newest releases will complement not replace GKGW.

This is the third in a series of three posts.  Earlier this week we shared the early childhood curriculum updates and changes as well as some information for leaders.

What Leaders Need to Know
As is the case with all of the GFI curriculums, the new courses are self contained units presented in DVD format. Specific recommendations and suggestions for leading any particular curriculum will be found in the companion workbook.

Leaders will notice two changes in the new curriculum that affects the dynamics of the video presentation. First, each session is divided into three or four teaching segments. Each segment targets a specific topic within the general presentation. At the end of each segment, we placed a summary of the key points just covered. This brings us to our second change. The new format no longer needs the outlines to track the key points of the presentation since the segment summaries bundles this information in a concise review.

What has not changed is the “Questions for Review” found at the end of each chapter. They remain part of the course work and still considered a great way to foster discussion.

This is the second in a series of three posts.  Later this week we will share some common questions related to the early childhood curriculum updates and changes.

Understanding the Early Childhood Transition Series

Preface
Change! It seems to be a way of life in a rapidly expanding, knowledge-based society where technology changes everyday. New innovations impact life styles and the way people learn. Parenting curriculums, once designed to cover large blocks of developmental time are less effective today than years gone by. Precision teaching with concise thoughts for specific age ranges seems to be the way of educational life.

In response to the many changes in the field of early childhood education, GFI retooled its teaching philosophy to meet the unique needs of a new parenting generation. These changes are found in our early childhood transition curriculums. We trust the following explanation will help the GFI leadership formulate and implement their plans for classes beginning in the fall of 2008.

Introduction
There are a number of ways to approach and teach child development concepts. As it relates to the early childhood curriculum, GFI has moved to specific age-segmented teachings that disseminate pertinent information based on age-related topics and categories. Each of our new curriculums cover specific developmental periods reflecting the upward movement of a child’s developing body, emotions and intellect. In this way, the GFI community of parents receives age-appropriate instruction for the specific set of new skills and abilities emerging with their growing children.

In formulating the new curriculum we found the communication and dissemination of early childhood principles divides naturally into four developmental stages, starting at birth and running to thirty-six months. Each stage represents new growth transitions requiring parents to accommodate the changes taking place as their baby matures.

Early Childhood Curriculum Summary

• Stage One: Birth to 5 Months (6 Sessions) Preparation for Parenting
• Stage Two: 5 to 12 Months: (2 Sessions) The Babyhood Transitions (Parenting Your 5 to 12 Month Old)
• Stage Three: 12 to 18 Months (3 Sessions) Preparation for the Toddler Years (Parenting Your 12 to 18 Month Old) Release Fall 08
• Stage Four: 18-36 Months (4 Sessions) The Toddler Years Transitions (Parenting Your 18 Month to 3-Year Old) Release Late Fall 08

Course Benefits
One unique and exciting thread that follows each curriculum is an improved small group dynamic. The shortened curriculum with specific age related teaching allows parents who start together in Preparation for Parenting to stay together as they move through each series.

While some GFI ministries have specific leaders teaching specific classes, the new curriculum style also allows for an additional mentoring option. That being, the couple who leads Preparation for Parenting can stay with the same group as they journey through the next several curriculums. This not only increases continuity of leadership but helps build a growing sense of community among class participants. The Ezzos have worked with the new format and found beneficial results unmatched in previous curriculums. As class members interact together with each new phase of their baby’s life, they are simultaneously interacting with other parents of common interest and like-mindedness, parents who will share a small group experience for the next three years. Out of common need comes a common bond of friendship and support.

The shortened curriculums also help with the scheduling of future classes. For example, Gary and Anne Marie led a Preparation for Parenting class in January of 2008. Most of those parents had their babies a few months later. The same group of parents will reconvene with the Ezzos in August 2008 for the Babyhood Transitions class, (5 to 12 months of age). Six months later, (February-March 2009) they will meet again for Preparation for the Toddler Years and following six to seven months after that, they return to complete the Toddlerhood Transitions course. From there it is onto Growing Kids God’s Way, most likely as a group with the Ezzos.

While GFI will not require local ministries to use the same teachers as described in the model above, we will encourage our worldwide leadership to consider this a viable mentoring option with a long range view toward building stronger communities of likeminded families.

Curriculum Overview
Preparation for Parenting (The Original Feed ~ Wake ~ Sleep Reference Guide to Nurturing a Newborn) 6 Sessions

For over twenty-five years Preparation for Parenting has led the way in infant care advice with proven successful outcomes numbering in the millions. The infant management plan offered by the Ezzos successfully and naturally helps infants synchronize their feeding/waketime and nighttime sleep cycles. The results? A happy, healthy and contented baby who begins sleeping through the night, on average between seven and nine weeks of age.

The Babyhood Transitions (Parenting Your 5 to 12 Month Old) 2 Sessions (Now Available on DVD)

This is the first of a three part series covering the expanding feeding, wake and naptime transitions for babies. Informative, practical, and fast moving, the Babyhood Transitions was designed to assist parents in establishing the right patterns of learning for their child in the critical periods of brain formation and adaptation. From the introduction of solid foods to creating learning opportunities in the playpen and everything in between, parents will find this newest release pertinent, specific in content and very relevant to the learning style of a new parenting generation. (Parents should plan on attending a class as their baby approaches five to six months of age.) (Workbooks available)

Preparation for the Toddler Years (Parenting Your 12 to 18 Month Old) 4 Sessions (Available Fall of 2008)

This four-session presentation continues where the Babyhood Transitions leaves off. During this next phase, the newly emerging walking, talking, exploring child begins a developmental metamorphous from babyhood to a full blown toddler. This means the transitions successfully accomplished a few months ago gives way to new abilities and challenges as baby’s world and mind expands exponentially. As mealtime and waketime activities become more complex, parenting strategies must adjust to properly stay up with the child’s expanding world of discovery. Preparation for the Toddler Years does just what its title implies: helping parents get ready for the hectic, fast moving, exciting and fatiguing toddler years.

The Toddler Years Transitions (Parenting Your 18 Month to 3 Year Old) 4 Sessions (Available Late Fall of 2008)

In just under 18 months, the helpless, immobile infant, lying in his crib grows into a fast moving, talking, walking, exploratory person marked by keen senses, clear memory, quick perceptions and unlimited energy. The child emerges into a period of life known affectionately as the “Toddler Years,” a phase of spontaneous, engaging yet challenging time for child and parent. The budding toddler has his own peculiar way. Therefore, helping parents understand the toddlerhood transitions is a ‘must’ obtain goal. This forth curriculum concerns itself with specific “toddler” issues that will ready the child for moral, social and intellectual achievement.

This is the first in a series of three posts.  Later this week we will share some information for leaders and some common questions related to the early childhood curriculum updates and changes mentioned above.

I attended a church conference this past April and one talk really stood out to me –and stood out to all mothers I talked to. It was presented by one of our church Elders, M. Russell Ballard and I wish to share some highlights from his message entitled Daughters of God.

“While women live in homes under many different circumstances—married, single, widowed, or divorced, some with children and some without—all are beloved of God, and He has a plan for His righteous daughters to receive the highest blessings of eternity.”

“… I surely know that there is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood.”

“There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family.”

“I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life. If a child lives with parents for 18 or 19 years, that span is only one-fourth of a parent’s life. And the most formative time of all, the early years in a child’s life, represents less than one-tenth of a parent’s normal life. It is crucial to focus on our children for the short time we have them with us and to seek, with the help of the Lord, to teach them all we can before they leave our homes. This eternally important work falls to mothers and fathers as equal partners. I am grateful that today many fathers are more involved in the lives of their children. But I believe that the instincts and the intense nurturing involvement of mothers with their children will always be a major key to their well-being.”

“We need to remember that the full commitment of motherhood and of putting children first can be difficult. Through my own four-generation experience in our family, and through discussions with mothers of young children throughout the Church, I know something of a mother’s emotions that accompany her commitment to be at home with young children. There are moments of great joy and incredible fulfillment, but there are also moments of a sense of inadequacy, monotony, and frustration. Mothers may feel they receive little or no appreciation for the choice they have made. Sometimes even husbands seem to have no idea of the demands upon their wives.”

“We want you to be happy and successful in your families and to have the validation and support you need and deserve. So today, let me ask and briefly answer four questions. While my answers may seem extremely simple, if the simple things are being tended to, a mother’s life can be most rewarding.”

QUESTION 1: What can you do, as a young mother, to reduce the pressure and enjoy your family more?

• First, recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction. Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less”(Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).
• Second, don’t overschedule yourselves or your children. We live in a world that is filled with options. If we are not careful, we will find every minute jammed with social events, classes, exercise time, book clubs, scrapbooking, Church callings, music, sports, the Internet, and our favorite TV shows. One mother told me of a time that her children had 29 scheduled commitments every week: music lessons, Scouts, dance, Little League, day camps, soccer, art, and so forth. She felt like a taxi driver. Finally, she called a family meeting and announced, “Something has to go; we have no time to ourselves and no time for each other.” Families need unstructured time when relationships can deepen and real parenting can take place. Take time to listen, to laugh, and to play together.
• Third, even as you try to cut out the extra commitments, sisters, find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children. Avoid any kind of substance abuse, mistakenly thinking that it will help you accomplish more. And don’t allow yourself to be caught up in the time-wasting, mind-numbing things like television soap operas or surfing the Internet. Turn to the Lord in faith, and you will know what to do and how to do it.
• Fourth, pray, study, and teach the gospel. Pray deeply about your children and about your role as a mother. Parents can offer a unique and wonderful kind of prayer because they are praying to the Eternal Parent of us all. There is great power in a prayer that essentially says, “We are steward-parents over Thy children, Father; please help us to raise them as Thou wouldst want them raised.”

QUESTION 2: What more can a husband do to support his wife, the mother of their children?

• First, show extra appreciation and give more validation for what your wife does every day. Notice things and say thank you—often. Schedule some evenings together, just the two of you.
• Second, have a regular time to talk with your wife about each child’s needs and what you can do to help.
• Third, give your wife a “day away” now and then. Just take over the household and give your wife a break from her daily responsibilities. Taking over for a while will greatly enhance your appreciation of what your wife does.
• Fourth, come home from work and take an active role with your family. Don’t put work, friends, or sports ahead of listening to, playing with, and teaching your children.

This is a summary of the talk. All “bold” have been added by me, as well as the bullets.

I hope these words can offer you comfort and ideas for improving your happiness in your mothering. I have long recognized that one of the biggest challenges of life is to be content with where you are. “The grass is always greener on the other side.” When Brayden (my oldest, now 3) was a baby, I would always think things like, “once he is sleeping through the night, things will be good” “once he is crawling, we will all be much happier” (he was extremely active) and “once he is walking, it will be much easier.” While all of those things were true, I was looking to the future too much and therefore missing the present. Each stage of your child’s life has its perks and its difficulties. Some stages are easier than others in general, but none is without its challenges. One I learned to truly be happy with where Brayden was, I was much happier.

I am personally not a huge fan of the newborn stage. I know for some that is their favorite. Not me. I am more of a toddler person. I love the fun of toddlerhood. I love it once the baby reaches one year old. With Kaitlyn (now 15 months), I really strived to enjoy her newborn months. Newborns are cuddly and so small. They don’t talk back. They are comparatively easy to make happy. Those first smiles and giggles fill your heart to overflowing. I truly enjoyed those sweet newborn moments; however, I can still see room for improvement in my heart. When we have our third child, I will strive enjoy those tender moments even more.

There are always things to get done. You will always have projects and chores waiting for you. There are countless jobs that are never truly done. Cleaning can always be done more deeply, and once you get it cleaned to perfection it takes a matter of moments for it to start to get dirty again. Remember that while cleanliness is a good thing, your children will remember and care more about the memories made with you than how clean your house was. Yes, you want it sanitary, but sometimes things can wait. This is a challenge for me. I find myself often putting my children off so I can finish cleaning something. When I seize that moment to play with them, we have such fun, and the dishes always do get done. Enjoy your children and enjoy your position as a mother of your sweet little ones.

Motherhood is hard. Applying Babywise principles to your family can be stressful at times. You worry that you are doing something wrong when your child isn’t “textbook.” You fuss over the schedule. Try to relax. Remember that your schedule is to serve you and your family. I always tell moms to work on things, but don’t let it consume you. Don’t put so much stock in how many hours straight your 14 week old is sleeping in the night. Work on things always, but also accept where things are at so that you don’t let these precious moments pass you by. Through these simple words of counsel as shared by Elder Ballard, you can enjoy your time with your children and get the most out of these years you have with them. Take care of yourself. Take care of your family. Enjoy each moment. Focus on the things that can’t afford to be put off. Prioritize your goals each day.

As I look over this counsel, I see how easy it is to apply it because of the principles of Babywise. Independent playtime can help give you time to do things around the house, and also to follow your own hobbies and interests. Knowing the schedule of your children gives mom the opportunity to leave the house and not stress about the state of her children—as much J (sorry Dads, but we often take some time to chill out, no matter how much we trust you). Couch time offers mom and dad a time to talk about the needs of the children each day. You can enjoy motherhood. To talk to moms whose children are all grown and gone, they always counsel to enjoy your children because before you know it, they are grown and gone. Let’s learn from these women and receive full joy from our position as mothers.

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